


if i'm not the one (then i'm not the one)

by forbiddenquill



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crushes, DubChaeng are best friends, Established Namo, F/F, Heartbreak, JeongChaeng are sisters, JeongSa are best friends, Past Sahyo, Some snippets of Mitzu, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24419818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forbiddenquill/pseuds/forbiddenquill
Summary: Saida AU: Sana has been in love with Kim Dahyun for most of her life. When she receives a confession in the form of a voicemail from Dahyun, she’s ecstatic. Until she hears the end part of the message: "I love you, Yoo Jeongyeon. I always have and I always will."(or, alternatively, Dahyun confesses to the wrong person.)
Relationships: Dajeong - Relationship, Kim Dahyun/Minatozaki Sana, Mitzu - Relationship, Nàmo - Relationship
Comments: 31
Kudos: 552





	if i'm not the one (then i'm not the one)

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from IU's 'Voice Mail' which was the inspiration of this prompt.
> 
> for @ddalgimomo on Twitter.
> 
> They commissioned this fic earlier this month and I only managed to finish it now on top of my workload but I'm super happy with the outcome!!! Hehehe. Basically the prompt was, "Dahyun leaving a confession voicemail to the wrong number and now Sana thinks she's in love with her" but I tweaked it out to make it more painful LOL! Anyway, this fic is basically falling in love with somebody you don't even know that well. I've poured my heart and soul into this work and even managed to like get hurt along the process lmaoooo 
> 
> Thank you to @Sarohane for helping me shape this fic and to @parksonchae for checking grammar errors hehe. 
> 
> AO3 ruins the format each time I transfer the file so please ignore the formatting issues! I will fix them later :]
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

*

The first time Sana sees Kim Dahyun, she’s thirteen years old. 

Sana’s family just moved into a tiny, quaint town near Seoul. It’s quiet and peaceful. The type of place where everything feels halted, like time moves at a slower pace than usual. Other than that, it’s _normal._ The neat little row of houses are similar but unique enough to differentiate the owners. Central parks, public libraries and two different malls exist within this small area. The people look similar as well, just like their houses. Not the same but very close. It's the kind of city where everybody is _familiar_ with everybody else. They might not know each other’s names but they’d recognize their faces if they left the city and stumbled across one another someplace else. 

Sana feels like a sore thumb sticking out the first time she moves here. It’s the same feeling she gets when she tries to join in her parents’ conversations, only to be left out when she can’t understand what they’re talking about. Or when she’s so excited to see a group of children in the streets and hops over to join in their game, only to realize that they already have enough players to begin with. 

Moving cities is tough but Sana perseveres. 

From the get-go, everybody knows she’s different. She isn’t Korean. Her last name is hard to pronounce. It’s not the one-syllable surname everybody is used to. She isn’t a Park or a Son or a Lee. Instead, she’s Minatozaki Sana. A girl with a Kansai accent and barely passable Korean. She has to take extra Korean language courses after class each day. It’s hard to make friends. Her first week at school makes her long for home in Japan, where she didn’t have that many friends either, because everybody else had siblings to play with and she was an only child. 

Sana spends the first weeks in her new home searching for friends. 

(She doesn’t expect to find something _more_.)

Every Sunday, Sana leaves their humble home in search of kids to hang out with. For her eighth birthday, her father gave her a bike so that she could travel around faster and easier. Sana always stumbles but always gets right back up. She often hears her mother whispering, “ _Satang’s going to get hurt if she isn’t careful enough_.” But that’s okay. She’s careful. Sure, she keeps falling from her bike every now and then, especially when she isn’t looking at the road properly but she swears she’s careful. 

Her skinned knees and bruised elbows beg to differ.

On one particularly mundane and early Sunday morning, Sana leaves the house with a packed lunch and an extra shirt in her bag. She pedals down the empty streets, not even bothering to wear her helmet, since she’s going so slow and there aren’t any cars around. In the back of her mind, she’s trying to replay this scene from _Tom and Jerry_ she always finds funny but for some reason, she’d forgotten what kind of weapon Tom had used to whack his very jolly friend, Jerry. 

She rounds a corner of the street, still thinking about the infamous cat and mouse duo. Up ahead, she spots a large, brown building she hasn’t seen before. It’s tall and imposing, carved with sharp edges and colorful windows. Music is playing inside—soft, mellow and melodic. It makes her feel warm all over. She’s never heard something so beautiful before. Her foot comes down on the pedal to stop the bike from continuing down the road. From a distance, she can see people inside the building. 

Sana frowns, gets off her bike and follows the music. 

Later, her parents will tell her that what she’s currently witnessing is a Christian mass inside a church. Their family is Shinto by nature so Sana isn’t quite sure what to think when she sees a large cross at the very front of the building and rows of people with their heads down. Still, she’s not here for them. She’s just here for the music. 

Near the entrance of the building is a long, winding staircase that leads to the second floor. Without paying much mind to the people inside, Sana heads upstairs carefully. She doesn’t want to attract any unwanted attention to herself. She’s new, after all. 

The music continues to call out for her, luring her in like a fish stuck on a hook. 

Not the best analogy but still an accurate one. 

When she finally reaches the top step, she nearly stumbles. The second floor is nothing more than a balcony overlooking the scene below. It’s not the most well-kept place, with specks of dust floating in the air and making Sana’s nose itch. A single lightbulb hangs from the middle of the ceiling but the sun peeking through the open window provides enough warmth and illumination. There’s not much to see, just a bunch of paper lying around and a small piano at the very corner. What catches Sana’s eye, however, is the girl hunched over the said piano, her fingers moving effortlessly across the keys and her head moving along to the flow of music she’s creating. 

(The first time Sana sees Kim Dahyun, she’s thirteen years old. 

_It’s love at first sight_.)

*

[[LISTEN](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gafy3BgThhs)]

*

Sana watches Piano Girl playing the instrument with relative ease and calm. She has long, dark hair that cascades down her back in gentle waves. Her skin is pearly white, looking as soft as a newborn baby’s. Her nose is pointed, her cheeks round and her lips thin. She plays the piano with her eyes closed and her brows furrowed, as if she’s completely given into her craft and nothing—not even a kid snooping in—can break her focus. She looks calm, however, despite the utmost attention she’s giving to the music. 

What makes the scene more magical is the sunlight pouring in from the window. It hits Piano Girl’s face at the right angle, making her _glow_. She looks like an angel sent from heaven. With the way she’s playing the piano, Sana isn’t surprised if she actually is one. 

Sana feels like an intruder, witnessing such a glorious sight. It’s almost as if she’s stepped into Piano Girl’s world and straight into her shoes. All she hears, sees and feels is the music that’s pouring out of the instrument. It’s as if the world has melted away and all that’s left is the piano. Nothing else matters except for the piano. 

When Piano Girl stops playing, Sana panics and heads downstairs in a frenzy, not even caring if her steps are loud against the wooden staircase. She stumbles to the outside world, shoos away a stray dog that was about to pee on her bike, and pedals away quickly, her heart racing painfully inside her chest like somebody had grabbed it and was shaking it violently. She knows, deep down inside, that her heart is reacting this way not because she didn’t want to be caught but because of that girl.

The image of Piano Girl is forever burned in her mind. 

_An angel_ , Sana thinks to herself and her heart—her stupid, young, little heart—jumps at the thought. 

*

“Mom,” Sana calls after dinner is over and her mother is washing the dishes, “What’s it like falling in love?”

Her mother laughs softly, glancing at her daughter over her shoulder. “Why do you ask that, Satang?” 

“I’m curious.”

“Did you meet a boy at school?” 

Sana groans and starts to walk off but her mother calls her name and she has to stay behind. “No boys,” she mutters, “I just saw it on the TV.”

“You saw someone falling in love?”

Sana nods, leaning against the counter next to her mother and waiting for her answer. 

After a moment, her mother says, “It’s different for everybody.” 

“Different how?” 

“When I fell in love with your father,” her mother begins and Sana mimics throwing up at the mention of her parents’ love story, “it was after our first date. It was a normal night. I remember thinking the stars were really beautiful. We had dinner at this fancy restaurant. He offered to walk me home. When I got cold, he immediately took off his jacket and gave it to me. And then he smiled. That’s how I fell in love.” 

Sana frowns. “That’s it?” 

“Like I said, it’s different for everybody.” Her mother looks down at the dishes, a faint smile on her lips. “Sometimes, it catches you off guard. You’re not expecting it. Like a slap to the face. Other times, you don’t even realize you’ve fallen in love until you see that person again and then your heart starts beating quicker than normal. As if your body knows something that your brain hasn’t quite accepted yet.” 

Sana thinks back to earlier that day, when she ran away from Piano Girl’s sight so fast her heart felt like it was running on overdrive. The realization is slow but sure. _An angel_ , she thinks and her chest starts to hurt. 

“Can you fall in love with a stranger?” Sana asks casually, “I saw it on TV.” 

Her mother smiles again, clearly not believing her television story but choosing not to call her out on it. “You can,” she answers, “Some people just… _fall_. There’s no explanation or reasoning behind it. Love doesn’t have any logic. It’s completely natural and instinctual.”

“Okay…” 

“Don’t fight it,” her mother tells her, “but be careful. You don’t want to get hurt.”

Sana cracks a broad grin. "It's just something I saw on TV, mom," she says, waving her away, "There's nothing to be worried about."

*

 _Angel_ , Sana writes in her diary later that night, _you took my breath away._

*

A few days later, Sana meets her future best friend, Yoo Jeongyeon. 

In Arts Class, there's an assignment due next week. It's by pair and everybody gets to pick a partner, which is one of the worst punishments you can inflict on the new kid who doesn't know anybody. Sana feels a tinge of panic as she sees everybody else pairing off with their close friends or even the person sitting close to them. She tries her luck by turning to Mark Tuan seated next to her, only to realize that he's already picked somebody else. 

Being the new kid is tough. 

(But some good comes out of it.) 

"Hey," somebody says, tapping Sana on the shoulder, "Wanna be my partner?" 

Sana sees a tall, lanky girl with coconut hair, a small face and a crooked smile. _Yoo Jeongyeon_ , Sana remembers. Her dad is apparently a famous chef. 

"Yes," Sana says slowly, "if that's okay with you."

"Yeah, of course," Jeongyeon says, taking the empty seat next to her. A faint scent of her perfume catches Sana’s attention. She smells of spring, like a sunny breeze, "I was going to partner up with Seulgi but I saw that you didn't have one yet so…" 

Sana feels warmth in her stomach. It's the same feeling she got last week when she stumbled across the church and heard Piano Girl playing. But this is different, somehow. Less filling. Like biting into choco-filled pie, expecting to taste a mouthful of sweetness, only to realize that she hasn't gotten to the center yet, where the good part is. 

"Thank you," she says sincerely, not realizing that she used her mother tongue instead. 

Jeongyeon laughs. "Was that Japanese?" 

"I spoke in Japanese?" 

"Yeah, you said—" Jeongyeon proceeded to butcher the words, making Sana laugh gleefully despite understanding it fully. 

"It means ' _thank you,_ '" Sana tells Jeongyeon. 

"How do you say ' _you're welcome_ '?" 

Sana proceeds to teach her and Yoo Jeongyeon, with a head shaped like a coconut and a smile that could disarm you, tilts her head to the side and says "you're welcome" in a foreign language with words that only Sana understands. 

It's the start of a beautiful friendship. 

*

Sana and Jeongyeon quickly become friends in the course of that one week. It's funny, when she looks back on it. To develop deep, meaningful friendships back in middle school, two people need to have something in common. Ideally, it needs to be at least three common things so if the first two fall apart, at least they'd still have one final thing keeping them tied. 

What holds Sana and Jeongyeon together is not Sana's love for scented candles nor Jeongyeon's habit of pranking their classmates but the fact that they've been paired up together for an assignment. Which meant going to each other's houses on the weekend. On Saturday, Jeongyeon arrives with _tteokbokki_ her father had made. Sana's parents like her. Even when they have nothing in common, Jeongyeon helps with the project and then watches _Sailor Moon_ with Sana on TV. It's not like other friendships, which makes Jeongyeon one-of-a-kind. 

The next day, Sana visits the Yoos after lunch, bringing some cookies her mom made. She greets Jeongyeon's mother politely with a bow so deep that makes her partner snicker when she sees it. Then Jeongyeon leads her upstairs to her room, telling her new ideas for their project and being excited to show off Bbosong, their pet cat. Sana doesn't have any pets so she can't relate to the level of love and affection oozing out of Jeongyeon's tongue but that's okay. Because she likes Jeongyeon as a friend and that should be a good enough reason to keep being friends. 

On the way to Jeongyeon's room, Sana spots a half open door to the right. She looks over to Jeongyeon who is too busy doing that weird noise to call her cat that suspiciously sounds like somebody peeing, and steps forward. Ever the nosy child, Sana peeks inside, expecting to see the cat Jeongyeon told her about, only to come across the one person that hasn't left her mind since last week. 

Dark hair, white skin, pointed nose, round cheeks, thin lips. It's the girl from last week. The one playing the piano _._ She sits on the floor, eyes focused on a book she's reading. Sana reads the Hangul characters on the front as _Beauty and the Beast._

 _Angel_ , Sana thinks to herself and her heart—the stupid, wretched, weak organ inside her ribcage—beats faster than ever. 

( _As if your body knows what your brain hasn't quite accepted yet._ ) 

"Uh," a voice not belonging to Piano Girl speaks up and Sana turns to spot a very petite girl sitting cross-legged on the bed. She also has the same coconut hair Jeongyeon has with large eyes and a mole under her lower lip. In her hands, she's holding a stuffed lion. 

"Hi," Sana greets, bowing deeply, "I'm Minatozaki Sana." 

"Yoo Chaeyoung," the small girl responds, "What are you doing in my room?" 

_Ah_. Sana remembers Jeongyeon mentioning she had a little sister. 

Piano Girl looks up and, for the first time ever, locks gazes with Sana. 

"Oh," Sana begins, feeling out of place all of a sudden, "It's just—"

"There you are," a voice says from behind. It's Jeongyeon, appearing with a grey cat in her arms. Sana lets out a sigh of relief and steps aside to let the older sister diffuse the situation. 

"Hey, Dahyun-ah," Jeongyeon greets, nodding at Piano Girl, "Didn't realize you were here." 

"There's a reason why she keeps coming back, unnie," Chaeyoung says and laughs when Piano Girl— _Dahyun_ , Sana grabs hold of the name and refuses to let it go—turns a bright pink and throws her book at Chaeyoung, who dodges it at the last second. 

Jeongyeon chuckles. "Of course," she says, "You guys are joined to the hip all the time." 

"Not _all_ the time," Dahyun mutters, averting Jeongyeon's amused gaze. 

"Yeah, sure. Anyway—" the older Yoo sister puts a hand on Sana's shoulder and nods at the two little girls in the room "—this is my friend, Minatozaki Sana. You're going to be seeing a lot more of her in the future. Sana, that's my little sister, Chaeyoung. Then we have Kim Dahyun, Chaeyoung's partner-in-crime and best friend since _forever_. They're like two little peas in a pod." 

Both Chaeyoung and Dahyun nod at Sana simultaneously. "Sup," they say. 

Sana waves at them, even though her gaze lingers on Dahyun, whose eyes are fixed on a point behind Jeongyeon. Chaeyoung returns to playing with her stuffed lion and Sana realizes just how awkward it is to stand in a place where nobody is saying anything but are just waiting for something to happen. 

Thankfully, Bbosong meows loudly and Jeongyeon is reminded of why she is here in the first place. 

"Come on," she tells Sana, jerking her head back into the hallway, "There's a lot I've got to show you."

Friendship, Sana realizes a few years down the road, is tricky. It's not as easy as walking up to someone, tapping them on the shoulder and asking them to be your partner. If it was as easy as that, Sana would've been friends with Dahyun a long, long time ago. 

Instead, she becomes friends with Yoo Jeongyeon who makes her laugh uncontrollably, scares her half to death during movie nights and nods happily to whatever she's saying. It's not like Sana has picked the short end of the stick or anything like that. She's happy to be Jeongyeon's best friend. It means being her closest confidant, her designated partner-in-crime, her go-to person each time her dad comes home bringing all sorts of chocolate from all over the world. In the long run, Yoo Jeongyeon becomes the most important person in Sana's life. 

It also means seeing her _angel_ , Kim Dahyun, at a close distance but not as close as she wants. Being best friends with Yoo Jeongyeon means catching glimpses of Chaeyoung and Dahyun on the other side of the house, either reading books, painting on the walls of Chaeyoung's room or memorizing rap verses to all their favorite songs. It means listening to Dahyun play the piano outside her church every Sunday morning before she heads to the Yoos. It means sitting across Dahyun at the dining table for dinner every time they're with the Yoo sisters, having earned their spots as the respective best friends. It means knowing each other well enough to share a smile every time they're at school but not enough to warrant a meaningful conversation. 

And Sana _yearns._

She yearns for the girl she saw on the second floor of that church. She yearns for the girl who closed her eyes as she played her song. She yearns for the girl who looked like an angel the very first time Sana saw her. 

But she never makes a move. 

*

(Her mother’s voice comes to mind: _Don’t fight it but be careful. You don’t want to get hurt_.

So, Sana doesn’t fight it. 

She falls for Kim Dahyun and she keeps falling.)

*

This goes on for six years.

*

Sometimes, Sana finds herself in Dahyun’s presence a few times during those six years. It happens more often at the Yoo residence than anywhere else. It happens twice when Sana leaves Jeongyeon’s room and stumbles across Dahyun leaving the bathroom. It happens four times when they cross paths in the living area. It happens more times than Sana can count during dinners where they’re seated across from each other and she catches the way Dahyun laughs at Mr. Yoo's jokes and slices her carrots before putting them in her mouth. 

Sana cherishes these tiny moments, thinks of the sparkle in Dahyun’s eyes, commits to memory the curve of her smile. 

(It’s all that she has.)

*

Being best friends with a Yoo warrants for some unspoken rules. 

Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung share everything as sisters. Their clothes, their hairstyles, their shoes, their gadgets and even their favorite things. Sana doesn’t even blink when she spots Chaeyoung following after her big sister’s shoes, doesn't mind when Jeongyeon tells her of this new show Chaeng watched the night before. It’s normal. The two of them hold each other to the highest regard. When Jeongyeon got her ear pierced, Chaeyoung booked a session at the shop the next day. When Chaeyoung listened to _The 1975_ first, Jeongyeon shared some of her favorite songs with Sana a week later. One time, Jeongyeon told Sana that Chaeyoung secretly got a tattoo against their parent’s wishes and expressed that she couldn’t be as brave as her “awesome little sister.”

Sana is an only child, so she doesn’t understand what it’s like to grow up with someone from the very beginning. It must be nice; to never feel out of place or alone in this world. She thinks of the first time she moved into this small, little town and despite trying so hard to fit in, she never could. 

That is, until Yoo Jeongyeon came into her life. 

Sana is forever grateful. 

But she also understands what it means to be best friends with a Yoo. 

Even though Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung share everything with each other, they don’t share their best friends. Sana is Jeongyeon’s and Dahyun is Chaeyoung’s. It’s an unspoken rule all four of them seem to have agreed on into the years. This is why Sana only briefly talks to Chaeyoung and even less to Dahyun each time she visits the Yoo residence. This is why Dahyun gravitates towards Chaeyoung even when they’re out in public, linking their hands together or just simply hugging her best friend.

 _Two little peas in a pod_ , Jeongyeon once described them. 

It takes a while to realize that Sana lives in her own pod as well but with Jeongyeon as her little pea buddy. 

*

Sana never tells Jeongyeon about her feelings for Dahyun. She considers it her only well-kept secret, something only she and her diary knows. There’s something whimsical about knowing something nobody else does, even if it is about her. According to a Japanese proverb, everybody has three faces: the first one is what the world sees, the second is what your family and close friends see, and the third is the one you never show to anyone else. 

Kim Dahyun is part of the third face. 

Sana doesn’t really understand why she’s making it an even bigger deal than it really is. Kim Dahyun isn’t hers. She never has been. But Sana’s third face doesn’t have to know that. In the third face’s mind, Kim Dahyun will _always_ be the angel she saw on the second floor of the church that fateful Sunday morning. What transpired that day is something she can’t ever forget. Because it’d been so beautiful. The sight of Kim Dahyun, brows furrowed, eyes closed, fingers flying across the piano keys with the sunlight making her _radiant_ should be considered as the eighth wonder of the world. 

When Sana was in search of friends, she found Kim Dahyun instead. And after she found Dahyun, she met Yoo Jeongyeon. She considers Dahyun the turning point, the Piano Girl, the angel who makes beautiful music with her small, tiny fingers. 

Telling Jeongyeon about her feelings for Kim Dahyun is out of the question.

Sana tells Jeongyeon everything but this. 

( _Not now_.) 

*

(Besides, it’s hard to explain how she fell in love with her best friend’s sister’s best friend in the first place.) 

*

Sana and Jeongyeon graduate high school with Sana as Salutatorian and Jeongyeon as "Most Likely to Succeed Later in Life." They hold parties at their respective houses. Jeongyeon's party is much louder, more packed, thanks to her family and friends coming from all over the country to congratulate her in completing secondary education. An hour after Sana arrives, she finds herself sitting on the front steps of the porch after they've served food and poking at her slice of chocolate cake. Outside, the sun shines down on the pavement. Everything smells of freshly cut grass. 

"Hi, Sana-unnie," a familiar voice greets her. 

Sana looks up and feels her heart pick up speed at the sight of Dahyun approaching the house. She's grown even more beautiful throughout the years. The jet-black hair is tied in a bun on top of her head, the round cheeks are still there but not as prominent as before and the younger girl's smile is still one of Sana's favorite sights to see. 

"Hi, Dahyun-ssi," Sana greets, scooting to the side and expecting Dahyun to enter the house immediately. To her surprise, her _angel_ lingers next to her. 

"What are you doing out here?" Dahyun asks. 

"Oh." Sana gestures to her plate. "Just eating." 

"I'm sure there are plenty of chairs for you to sit on inside," the younger girl says jokingly. 

Sana smiles. "Yeah, of course," she says, "I'm just… it's hard to think when there's so many people inside. Plus, Jeong's entertaining a bunch of her cousins so…"

"Ah," Dahyun murmurs and surprises Sana even more by taking a seat next to her, "That means Chaeyoung is preoccupied as well." 

"It's like a mini reunion there," Sana tells her, "I said hello to all the guests, but they all wanted to talk to Jeongyeon or Chaeyoung." 

"Understandable. Family comes first." 

They're quiet for a short moment. It occurs to Sana that despite having known each other for six years, this is the longest conversation she's ever had with Dahyun. The pros and cons of being Yoo Jeongyeon's best friend. Sana tries not to think too much about it. Instead, she wants to treasure this moment, knowing that she'll immortalize this later on in her diary for her to keep. 

"What were you thinking about?" Dahyun asks suddenly, breaking Sana's train of thought. 

"Hmm?"

"You said it's hard to think when there's so many people around," Dahyun reminds her, shrugging carelessly, "so what's on your mind?" 

Sana wants to say " _you_ " but that would be a very cliche way of confessing her feelings for the girl she's been in love with for the past six years. So, she shrugs her own shoulders, picks at her cake and says, "I was thinking about college." 

"Have you decided on a major?" 

"Seoul National University, College of Liberal Arts, Department of Psychology," is Sana's trademark response. 

Dahyun whistles. "That sounds cool." 

"Have _you_ decided on a major?" 

Dahyun smiles at her, eyes crinkled around the corners. "Korean Language and Literature," she answers, winking at Sana, "Something in the liberal arts as well."

Sana nods delighted at the prospect of having similarities with her angel. "Jeong wants to be a teacher," she says, "for Physical Education."

"That's cool." Dahyun looks away, picking at some lint on her jeans. "I think Chaeng's going for French Language and Literature. She likes European dudes, apparently." 

"Gee, I wonder why." 

"Her taste in men is terrible." 

The two share a small laugh, knowing just how much of a Justin Bieber fan Chaeyoung is. 

"I would've expected you to go for something in music," Sana finds herself saying, not realizing just how much of a bad idea it is to bring up Dahyun's talent, "since you play the piano so well." 

Dahyun raises her eyebrows and gives her a wry smile. "You've heard me play?" 

Sana curses internally, unsure of how to proceed next. In the span of the next minute, she debates whether or not she should tell Dahyun the first time she ever saw her. But that would mean confessing that she waltzed right into the church in the middle of a service, climbed the stairs leading to the second floor and watched the young girl playing the piano like the rightful creep she was. So, she looks at the plate still in her hand and gives Dahyun the edited version instead, “I pass by the church sometimes.” 

“You do?” Dahyun asks, eyebrows quirking in question, “How did you know it was me playing?”

“Everybody knows.”

“No, they don’t.” Dahyun reaches into her shirt and pulls out her necklace: a silver cross. “There aren’t a lot of Christians in this neighborhood. Only a few of my friends know that I play every service.” 

Sana thinks fast. “Jeongyeon told me,” she says. 

Dahyun is quiet for a moment. “You and Jeongyeon-unnie talk about me?” For some reason, her voice is hushed and low. 

“ _She_ does,” Sana hastily adds, “I just listen, you know? But it’s not a big deal. She just mentioned it one time.” 

“I see.” 

Another awkward pause. Then Dahyun lets out a somewhat disappointed sigh and rises to her feet. She waves at Sana, gestures that she’s heading inside and then leaves with a “ _see you around, unnie_.” 

They did see each other around but not for long. 

*

During Sana's graduation party, she invites Chaeyoung and Dahyun, seeing no reason not to. The party is smaller than Jeongyeon's, since most of her extended family is in Japan. The guests are a few friends from high school, her father's co-workers, her mother's book club members and of course, Yoo Jeongyeon. After hours of entertaining their guests, Sana decides to slip out of the party for some alone time. 

Jeongyeon finds Sana in the balcony of her room with a glass of wine in hand. It makes her feel like an adult, which she technically is once she moves out and goes to college. Still, it's nice to sit here in the room she's lived in for the past six years and not think about all the challenges that await her in the future. She tilts her head to the sky, staring up at the stars sparkling in the darkness. The air is cool and minty smelling. It provides a calming sensation for Sana, who wraps her arms around herself. 

"What's up?" Jeong asks, walking up to her. 

"Nothing," Sana replies and shrugs her shoulders, "Just thinking." 

Her best friend doesn't say anything for a while. Then she leans against the railing and nudges Sana's shoulder with her own. A crooked smile, one that Sana has seen so many times before, plays on her lips.

" _Ukiyo_ ," Jeongyeon says. 

Sana smiles. "Floating world," she translates, putting the glass of wine on the railing. 

"Are you in a state of _ukiyo_ , Minatozaki-san?" 

Sana giggles and brushes her hair behind her ear. Jeongyeon always knows the right things to say in moments such as these. And while Sana isn't as good with words as her best friend is, she is good with showing how she feels. So, she leans back, wraps Jeongyeon in a tight hug and lays her chin on her shoulder. She inhales the smell of spring that seems to follow Jeongyeon around, one that reminds her of a summer breeze. 

"Thank you," she says in Japanese, like the first time they met, before she adds, "for everything" in Korean. 

Jeongyeon laughs and hugs her tighter. "You're welcome," she responds in the words only Sana understands. 

*

(Only Jeongyeon understands.)

*

The party ends shortly after 9:00 PM. 

Sana thanks all the guests for coming, bowing deeply and accepting their congratulations. Most of them ask where she’s headed off to college and she responds with “Seoul National University” with a proud grin and puffed out chest. It’s the same university as Jeongyeon’s but they won’t be in the same colleges, which means they’ll see less of each other. 

As much as she wants to believe that her friendship with Jeongyeon will last the trials and tribulations of time, she knows that it’s not as easy as that. Back in Japan, she promised to keep in touch with her friends, only for them to fade in a tiny recess in her mind over the years. She only goes back to it when she misses them but not enough to actually reach out and speak to them once more. 

Another thing that’s been on Sana’s mind is the fact that she won’t be seeing Dahyun anymore. Sure, they’ll see each other when she and Jeongyeon visit home for the holidays or during breaks. But it won’t be the same. She’s gotten so used to knowing that Dahyun is just in the same city as her, or in the same school, or even in the same house, that the idea of not seeing her at _all_ is enough for her heart to cave in. 

When the party ends and Sana watches Dahyun leave her house with Chaeyoung’s hand locked around her wrist, she wants to say something:

_You looked like an angel the first time I saw you._

_You still do, actually._

_I’ve liked you since I was thirteen years old._

_You're more than a crush._

_I want to watch you play the piano._

_You’re so beautiful._

_I wish we were friends._

_You make me feel warm._

_I want to see you again._

_You do things to my heart._

_I wish I talked to you that day._

_I want you._

_I like you._

_I love y_ —

“Sana-unnie!” 

Sana looks up, so caught in her thoughts that she doesn’t realize Jeongyeon, Chaeyoung and Dahyun are waving at her from the end of the street. It’s Chaeyoung who called her, hand stretched into the sky to capture her attention, and Dahyun is looking at Sana with a wide smile on her face. 

“Good luck in college!” Chaeyoung says happily, “Thanks for the food, by the way!” 

Typical Chaeyoung. Sana laughs and nods. She expects them to walk away again, which they do half a second later, but Dahyun lingers. The younger girl offers her another smile, this time mysterious one, as if they share a secret that only they know. The sight is enough to get Sana’s heart beating quicker. 

“See you around, unnie,” she says before she turns her back on her and follows after the Yoo sisters. 

It’s the last Sana sees of her for the next two years. 

*

College is not what Sana expected.

Time moves so fast that when she blinks, her first year is nearly over. The past ten months are a blur of lectures, assignments, essays, cups of coffee, laptop screens and Jeongyeon crashing in out of nowhere. She spends more time thinking about all the things she has to do instead of actually doing them. It doesn’t help that her roommate, Hirai Momo, drags her to every house party they hear of. Momo is far from extroverted but she loves dancing and music and since their room is strictly for studying only, Momo often has to beg Sana to leave the comfort of their dorm and head out to explore the world. 

Halfway into the year, Momo gets a girlfriend. Im Nayeon. The strangest thing about this is the fact that Nayeon is Jeongyeon’s roommate. So, on nights where Nayeon and Momo want some time alone, they ask their respective roommates to switch for the night. 

“Please wash your sheets after,” Sana comments lightly after Nayeon arrives and she’s gathered her stuff for the impromptu sleepover at Jeong's. 

“Sana-chan!” Momo whines in Japanese, “Don’t embarrass me in front of my girlfriend.” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Momo-chan,” Sana replies in the same tongue.

“Oh, tell Jeongyeon I said hi.”

“Okay, do you want some chocolates from her?” 

“Yes please.”

Nayeon’s eyes move back and forth between the roommates. “I do hope you guys aren’t making fun of me or anything,” she says, plopping down on the bed next to Momo. 

Sana shakes her head, smiling. “Don’t worry,” she says in Korean, “I wouldn’t do that in front of you.”

“So, you’d do it behind my back?”

Sana laughs and assures Nayeon that she isn’t that kind of person. After they’ve said their goodbyes, she heads to Jeongyeon’s room. She’s been there so many times she can practically memorize the layout leading to it. She even has a spare key, one that allows her to enter every time Jeongyeon forgets her notes and needs somebody to get it for her. 

When she arrives, Jeongyeon is lying on her bed in the middle of a video call. 

As expected, it’s her sister. 

“Oh, Sana’s here,” Jeongyeon says, sitting up and showing Sana her phone. Chaeyoung waves from behind the screen, offering her a large, toothy smile. 

“Hi, Chaengie,” Sana greets, “How’s junior year?”

“Hell,” Chaeyoung responds, “I actually have to start _thinking_ about what my major in college will be.” 

“Dahyun mentioned that you were thinking of French literature?” 

Despite the pixels on screen, Sana sees Chaeyoung wrinkle her nose. “Yeah, that was just a joke,” she answers, “I’m not really sure what I want to do yet.”

“Arts!” Jeongyeon pipes up, “You’ve got the portfolio for it.”

“But Arts school is so expensive, unnie…”

“Your point?” 

Chaeyoung sighs. “We’ll talk about that when you get here.” 

Sana sits on Nayeon’s bed, faintly detecting the lavender vanilla scent of the other girl’s shampoo and pulls out her laptop to find a movie for tonight. Jeongyeon continues to talk to Chaeyoung for the next couple of minutes, discussing how their parents are doing, what Bbosong’s latest trip to the vet entailed, which schools Chaeyoung is considering for college. When Chaeyoung talks about Dahyun, Sana stills, her heart going into overdrive just at the mere mention of the younger girl’s name.

“Oh, yeah,” Jeongyeon says, “How’s Dahyun doing?”

“She’s rethinking her university choices too,” Chaeyoung answers, “Also, I think she’s seeing someone.” 

Sana looks up, feeling a painful lurch in her chest. She remembers what her mother told her before, words that have stuck in her mind for so long: _As if your body knows something that your brain hasn’t quite accepted yet_. Above everything else, Sana trusts her heart the most and it always reacts when it comes to Dahyun. She thinks back to all the times it fluttered or soared when Dahyun smiled at her across the dinner table or when Sana listened to her playing the piano every Sunday morning. But for the first time ever, after she hears those words pop out of Chaeyoung’s mouth, Sana feels as if her heart has been stabbed by an invisible knife. 

“Really?” Jeongyeon asks, sounding very interested in this new information, “I wouldn’t have expected that from our little church girl.” 

“Yeah,” Chaeyoung mutters, “She’s always texting someone and she’s been cancelling on some plans lately.” 

“That doesn’t mean she’s _seeing_ that someone,” Sana finds herself saying, cursing herself for entering a conversation she isn’t a part of.

Jeongyeon doesn’t notice that Sana’s voice is strained. “That’s true,” she agrees, “Did she tell you that she’s seeing someone?”

“I’m her best friend,” Chaeyoung says seriously, “I know everything about her.” 

“You know everything that _she_ lets you know,” Jeongyeon points out.

There’s silence on the other end. Sana can’t focus on finding a movie, too caught up with where the conversation is heading. It takes her a moment to realize that her fingers are shaking. She curls her hands to stop them, but it doesn’t work. 

“I don’t know,” Chaeyoung mutters, “It just feels like she’s not telling me something.”

“Talk to her,” Jeongyeon says, “She’s your best friend.”

“Yeah, you’re right…” 

After a few moments and some goodbyes, Jeongyeon ends the call. Sana realizes she’s been sitting still for nearly twenty minutes. She reaches up and rubs at her neck, exhaling a deep sigh. When she turns to Jeongyeon, she sees her best friend looking at her with an unreadable expression on her face. 

“What?” she asks. 

“You’d tell me if you were seeing someone, right?” Jeongyeon asks seriously, "Because I would, you know. I tell you everything. Scout's honor." 

Sana knows that Jeongyeon doesn't mean this lightly. When she makes a promise, she keeps it. It's just the way her best friend is built—truthful, hardworking and loyal. If there was ever a poster girl for a true friend, Yoo Jeongyeon would be the first choice. 

For a brief moment, Sana considers telling Jeongyeon about Dahyun, but she pushes that thought away. It's her third face. She doesn't show it to anyone else.

"Of course," she says, cracking a wide smile, "You're my best friend." 

Jeongyeon relaxes. "Promise?" 

"I promise." 

Sana tries to tell herself that she isn't lying but it feels like she is. 

*

(Sana doesn’t hear about Dahyun for the next several months.)

*

“Excuse me,” somebody calls from Sana’s peripheral, “Is there anything I can help you with?” 

Sana looks up from the scented candle she’s holding in one hand and sees one of the mall’s employees staring at her with a worried expression on her face. The name tag on her shirt reads: _Jihyo_. She’s pretty cute with large eyes and short, dark hair. 

“Sorry,” Sana says, blinking at her, “What did you say?”

“Is there anything I can help you with?” Jihyo repeats as she gestures to the candle in Sana’s hand, “You’ve been standing here for nearly ten minutes.” 

“Oh.” Sana sheepishly puts the candle back in the display. “I was just thinking of something.” 

“Are you looking for scented candles as a present?” 

Sana doesn’t really know what to answer to that. She’d been window shopping, taking note of items she should buy for their dorm room. Momo asked her to buy some jokbal before she came home but she has some time to spare. When she spotted the scented candles on display, she thought of buying one to fill up the room with a comforting aroma. It meant thinking about what kind of scents she likes the most. The more she thought of the kind of smells she likes, the more she realized she associates everybody with scents. 

Like now. Jihyo smells of flowers. The same kind that reminds her of her grandmother’s house back in Japan. Her _obachan_ often tended to a garden in her backyard and kept a pot of gardenias in the living room to make it feel more homely. A twinge of nostalgia hits her right between the eyes, and she has to inhale shakily to stop herself from getting homesick. 

“I’m not sure,” she answers Jihyo’s question slowly, “I was… just thinking.” She feels stupid for repeating her earlier statement.

Jihyo smiles understandingly. “I’ll leave you to it then,” she says, stepping back and walking off to help another customer. 

Sana looks at the colorful array of scented candles in front of her. 

Jeongyeon’s scent always reminds her of spring. Like a sunny breeze. The kind you smell when you’re standing in the middle of the park and the wind suddenly picks up. 

Chaeyoung, on the other hand, always smells sweet. Like strawberries. Not empowering enough to make Sana dizzy but fruity enough to announce her presence in the room. 

Momo smells of peaches because she likes the fruit. Nayeon’s shampoo is lavender vanilla. Everytime they’re together, it makes Sana feel like she's standing in the middle of the forest with a cup of vanilla coffee in her hands. 

Sana likes scents that remind her of her home back in Japan. Most specifically the tiny cottage where her grandmother lived. She likes gardens, flowers and fruits. Anything that is natural. Nothing artificial or overpowering. Just the reminder of how beautiful the earth is when it isn't tainted by human hands. 

Inevitably, as it always does, her mind goes to her angel. 

Kim Dahyun.

Sana has no idea what Dahyun smells like. It’s a strange thought, downright creepy the more you think about it. But everytime she thinks of someone, the first thing that comes to mind is how they smell. When she thinks of her parents, she remembers the aroma of her mom’s cooking in the kitchen and the smoke coming from her father’s cigarette dangling between his fingers. It takes her back to the years in her house when her family was the first thing she woke up to and the last thing she saw at night. 

It’s startling to realize that she doesn’t know what Dahyun smells like. Kim Dahyun, who is completely oblivious to her affections, is one of the most important people in Sana’s life. The only time they’ve ever been truly close in terms of proximity was that day at Jeongyeon’s party, when they were both seated out on the porch. But Sana only recalls the smell of freshly cut grass and nothing more. Maybe if they had been closer, she would’ve gotten a whiff of Dahyun’s scent.

Again, it’s a strange thought. 

Sana decides to grab _Homesick x Club Med: Archipelago_ and places the scented candle in her cart. 

*

When Sana and Jeongyeon travel home for the summer, Dahyun is visiting her grandparents in Jeju Island for the next three months. This means that Sana won’t be seeing her at all. According to Chaeyoung, Dahyun will return for her senior year two days after Sana and Jeongyeon leave for college again. It sucks the soul out of Sana when she finds out. She’d been looking forward all year to coming home and seeing Dahyun. When they visited for Christmas that year, Dahyun had been too busy to come to the Yoo residence. 

“You okay?” Jeongyeon asks when she finds Sana staring out the window. It’s a hot Wednesday afternoon. The two of them are driving around town to cool down with popsicles in their hands. 

Sana doesn’t realize that Jeongyeon has stopped the car or that her ice cream is melting in her palm. 

“Yeah,” she says, grabbing a cloth to wipe at the mess, “I was just thinking.”

“You always are.” 

“Well, I _do_ have a brain.” 

“Fair enough.” 

Jeongyeon turns on the AC and leans back in her seat. The inside of the car smells like cheap air freshener but Sana’s gotten so used to it that it doesn’t make her gag like the first few times did. The two of them have stopped at a cliffside just outside of town. Sana rolls up the window and listens to the radio. A famous idol is reading a children’s storybook out loud and she can’t help but feel drowsy at the sound of her voice. 

“Can I tell you something?” Jeongyeon asks suddenly, breaking through Sana’s sleepiness. 

“Hmm? Sure,” Sana replies and returns to eating her blue popsicle. 

“I used to have a crush on you.” 

Sana drops her popsicle. 

“Ack,” she squeals, jumping out of the car and grabbing the popsicle from the car seat. She throws it away and then proceeds to wipe off the melted sugar. The entire time she does this, Jeongyeon is staring at her. 

“That was not the reaction I was hoping for,” her best friend says. 

“No, no, no,” Sana responds, shaking her head, “I was just caught off guard. I didn’t expect you to like… think of me that way.”

“Who wouldn’t?” Jeongyeon asks, “You’re Minatozaki Sana.” 

“And you’re Yoo Jeongyeon,” Sana replies. Once the seat has been thoroughly cleaned, she sits back down and shuts the door to keep the AC in. Jeongyeon finishes off her popsicle to stall her response and then throws the stick into the backseat.

“For a while, I thought you might have felt the same way,” she says after a brief pause, “A lot of people were interested in you in high school but you never looked at them.” 

Sana scoffs. “ _Please_ ,” she says, “Every week, some girl or guy was throwing themselves on you. You only picked the cute girls back then. You could practically hear the entire male population crying.”

There’s silence.

“I don’t think you realize,” Jeongyeon begins, throwing her feet up on the wheel and reclining on her chair, “that people thought we were dating.” 

Sana has never thought of Jeongyeon that way so to have that possibility shoved right at her face makes her wonder if she _should’ve_ thought of her best friend like that. But it seems so absurd. Jeongyeon is like the sister she never had. Not once has Sana ever entertained the thought that they could be something more. 

“Why are you bringing this up?” Sana asks. 

“I just thought you should know,” Jeongyeon tells her carefully, “You remember the first day we met? I asked you to be my partner for Arts class. I thought you were so pretty back then. But that was a long time ago. It seems safe to say it now.” 

“When did you stop?” 

Jeongyeon thinks about it, eyes fixed on the scenery below the cliff. “When I realized that you would never feel the same way,” she replies. 

Sana holds her breath. “And when was that?” 

“I’d known for a while,” Jeongyeon admits, “You never talked about love or crushes. It never seemed to be in your plan. I kept thinking that one day, you’d turn to me and tell me that you loved me too. But you never did. I guess I just got tired of waiting, you know?” 

Sana doesn’t say anything for a while. She hasn’t expected this to happen. At first, a part of her wonders if she should feel betrayed that Jeongyeon harbored these feelings for her the entire time and never said anything. But then again, if she _did_ feel that way, then she’d be a hypocrite. Because she’s been in love with Kim Dahyun for as long as she can remember, and she never said anything to Jeongyeon. 

(Guess even best friends don’t tell each other everything.)

“I’m sorry,” she goes on to say, “I didn’t realize you felt that way.” A pause. “And I’m sorry that I can't reciprocate your feelings.” 

Jeongyeon throws her head back and laughs. “Just because I’m your best friend,” she says in between her giggling, “doesn’t mean you’re obligated to date me or something. That was a long time ago. I’ve since moved on.”

“Jeong…” 

Her best friend reaches across the gear shift and puts her hand on Sana’s shoulders. “I’m serious,” she says, smiling that fond, crooked smile of hers, “You don’t have to be sorry.” 

Sana bites her lower lip. “I’m still sorry.”

“I know,” Jeongyeon says, “and I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to be.”

Her best friend pulls back and starts up the car again. Then they’re back on the road, heading home. Sana looks away, thinking to herself and trying to make sense of the turmoil of emotions in her chest. She feels relieved, of course, because dating Jeongyeon would be like dating her sister and she doesn’t want that. She doesn’t doubt that Jeongyeon’s feelings have faded. After all, her best friend is the most honest and trustworthy person Sana has ever known. 

What bothers Sana, however, is the thought of Jeongyeon confessing the last of her secrets and here she is, still clinging to her own. Here she is, still refusing to remove her third face. The one that’s been in love with Kim Dahyun long before she met Yoo Jeongyeon. 

*

(“I’m not that surprised though.”

Jeongyeon turns to her. “What?”

“Of course, you’d have a crush on me.” Sana cracks a wolfish grin. “I’m _gorgeous_.” 

“Ah, I can see Nayeon rubbing off on you.”)

*

On Sunday that week, Sana gets her bike from the garage and drives to the church. The path is familiar, striking a nostalgic thrum deep in her chest. She pedals slowly, compared to all the other Sunday mornings she spent in this town, because she knows that the person she’s looking for isn’t here at all.

The sounds of a piano playing reaches her ears. 

It’s beautiful. 

(But it’s not the same.) 

*

Sana’s second year in college is busier than her first year. 

As a Psychology major, Sana has a wide range of books to read and lectures to attend. She spends the majority of her time in the library or in the dorm room just studying for her next exam or catching up on some reading. Sometimes, she goes out to attend the regular house parties with Momo. Other times, she lets Jeongyeon drag her to a coffee shop just to spend time together. 

After her conversation with Jeongyeon during the summer, Sana decides to go on a few dates here and there.It’s true that she was never interested in dating back in high school but that was because she was always just interested in _one_ person. And it’s been a long time since she’s last seen Kim Dahyun. Over time, similar to what Jeongyeon went through, her feelings also fade.

She goes out with this cute Philosophy major named Jung Eunha. After a few casual dates, Sana realizes that there’s not much in the relationship. They don’t have anything in common. They constantly butt heads when it comes to their views. It’s not something worth salvaging so she ends it. Eunha is understandably hurt but respects her decision. 

The second person she goes out with is a guy named Kim Junmyeon. Again, Sana doesn’t see herself investing in the relationship. While Junmyeon is funny and respectful, she just isn’t interested. When she ends it, Junmyeon blocks her on all social media platforms. Huh. It’s funny seeing how men’s egos are so fragile when it comes to women dumping them. 

Sana thinks that she should just stop dating. It seems like a lot of work. And none of them can hold her attention for a few more days. And each time she meets up with them, she can’t help but think of Kim Dahyun. She can’t help but remember the scene on the second floor of that Christian church eight years ago. She can’t help but remember how Dahyun had looked back then, with her long dark hair, her pale skin and her agile fingers. She can’t help but remember how her heart had thudded painfully inside her chest—

Then she meets Park Jihyo again. 

*

Jihyo is… _special_.

(She's also the same girl that worked at the mall when Sana was looking at some scented candles.)

*

Sana’s relationship with Jihyo lasts for four months. 

They meet a few weeks into the new year when Sana realizes that somebody is sitting in her usual spot at the library. She's annoyed, even though it's irrational. Her name isn't plastered on that table for the world to see so she doesn't have any right to demand that this stranger beat it. 

Then the stranger looks up and Sana remembers her. 

The scent of gardenias fills her nose.

“Jihyo, right?” Sana asks, taking a seat opposite the other girl, “I don’t know if you remember me…” 

“I do,” Jihyo says, cracking a grin, “I remember that weird customer who was just starting at scented candles for almost ten minutes.” 

Sana laughs. “Sorry,” she says, “I swear I’m not that weird.” 

“She was pretty cute too,” Jihyo casually says, flipping a page of the book she’s reading, and Sana’s heart skips a beat.

That’s how it starts. 

If Sana is to describe it, dating Jihyo is like riding a rollercoaster. They have their highs and lows—one of the highest moments came when Sana passed her prelim exams and Jihyo took the day off to take her out to dinner. One of the lowest moments arrived when Jihyo got so busy with juggling her shifts she forgot that Sana was waiting for her outside her dorm room for more than an hour. 

The thing about riding a rollercoaster, though, is that you have to get off at one point or another.

It becomes clear that a relationship isn’t exactly their priority. Sana wants to graduate with honors. Jihyo is a struggling student paying for her own bills. They don’t have time for each other and frankly enough, they don’t _make_ time. So, just a few days shy before their fifth monthsary, Sana and Jihyo call it quits. 

(And for the first time in a long time, Sana doesn’t think of her angel.) 

*

Sana and Jeongyeon don’t go home for the holidays. Instead, they spend it at Im Nayeon’s mansion since the rest of the Ims are off visiting their relatives in Canada and Nayeon opted to stay behind. In the back of Sana’s mind, she realizes this is another missed opportunity to see Dahyun again but compared to the previous times, she’s fine with this. It’s not like Dahyun yearns to see her too, as Sana always has for the past several years. 

(Feelings fade… right?) 

*

“What happened between you and Jihyo?” Nayeon asks, pouring shots for all her friends. 

Jeongyeon hisses “ _Nayeon_ ” the same time Momo shoots Sana a worried glance. 

They’re seated in the middle of the large living room with a Netflix movie playing on the 85-inch Samsung TV the Ims own. The lights have all been switched off. It’s just the four of them on Christmas Eve, alone with two bottles of tequila and all the time in the world. 

Sana waves off her friends’ worries. “It’s fine,” she says, “We can talk about it.” 

“As you should,” Nayeon says, “Break-ups are tough.” 

“Ours wasn’t.” Sana thinks of Jihyo’s large smile and feels warm. “It just didn’t work out. It happens.” 

All four of them are quiet for a few seconds. 

“She was awesome, though,” Jeongyeon points out with a soft tone.

“Agreed,” Momo says, “When she came over, she always helped with my homework.” 

“I think she’s also an Engineering student,” Nayeon murmurs, “so it’s pretty cool that she can handle other jobs and still ace the exams.” 

Sana sighs and takes a sip of her drink. It burns the back of her throat. “She has a rigid schedule,” she murmurs to herself, “and I wasn’t part of it. Don’t worry. I don’t hold it against her or anything. I understand that she has other priorities.” 

Momo pats her knee and Jeongyeon squeezes her shoulder. Across the coffee table in which they’re surrounding, Nayeon pours her another drink. Sana smiles at all her friends.

“You’ll find another girl,” Momo says with confidence, “You’re a catch, Sana-chan.” 

“I don’t know,” Sana murmurs, leaning back on her hands and tilting her head to stare at the chandelier overlooking the room, “I don’t think I’ll date for a while. It’s a lot of work.” 

“Nah,” Nayeon pipes up, “you just haven’t found the right person yet.” 

“Come on now…”

“Yeah,” Jeongyeon agrees, shooting her a lopsided grin, “Just you wait, Sana-yah. She’s right around the corner.” 

Sana thinks of Kim Dahyun.

A tiny beam of hope blossoms in her chest.

(Her heart never lies.)

*

The next time she sees Kim Dahyun, it’s the summer before Sana’s third year in college. It’s Sana’s third day back in their small town and she’s spent most of it just sleeping in and catching up on some sleep she missed due to her Psych exams. Now, she’s finally awake and reenergized, eager to explore the town she hasn’t been in for the past several months. It’s a Saturday morning so her parents are in the house, just watching TV and enjoying their day off. 

Sana figures she should ride on her bike and take a quick drive around. It’s been a while since she’s felt the sun on her skin, especially after days and nights being cooped up in libraries and her dorm room and only leaving for her classes and some party Momo was dragging her to. So, after a quick breakfast with her parents, she grabs her bike from the garage and heads to the first place she’s wanted to visit since she arrived.

The church. 

Since it’s Saturday, there is no music playing from inside the building. Sana stops right in the middle of the street, eyes squinted against the beam of sunlight shining from the sky. The sight of the church is familiar and nostalgic. It’s one of the first few things that come to mind when she thinks of home. 

Then, she hears a voice she hasn’t heard in a long time:

“Sana-unnie?” 

Sana stills, her heart jolting almost uncomfortably inside her chest. She readjusts her line of sight and spots a girl emerging from the doors of the church. It’s something out of a rom-com. After years of being apart, she finally sees the one person that has built a home in her heart and refused to leave the recesses of her mind for so long. 

Kim Dahyun.

Dahyun, now sporting blonde hair, comes hopping down from the steps of the church. She’s wearing semi-formal clothes, the same kind a parent would make a child wear for her first recital recital. A white dress shirt with a black ribbon tied at the collar and a black skirt that reaches just above her knees. She looks _ethereal_. 

Sana suddenly feels very underdressed. 

“Dahyun-ssi,” she greets, planting her feet on the ground as Dahyun approaches. 

“It’s been a long time!” the younger girl says. Her smile is wide, as if she’s truly happy to see Sana. The thought warms Sana’s insides. 

“Yeah,” she manages to say out loud, her voice croaky, “How are you? What are you doing here?” 

“I’m doing good.” Dahyun gestures to the church behind her. Inside, Sana can see a few people milling about. “There was a baptism earlier. That’s why I’m here. I had to play.” 

“Ah.” It occurs to Sana that she doesn’t really know what to say. She hasn’t seen Dahyun in such a long time that most of the pressing questions in her mind have disappeared altogether. “You and Chaeng just graduated high school, right?”

Dahyun nods happily. “Yup,” she answers, “Jeongyeon-unnie came to visit that time. I didn’t see you at the ceremony.” 

_You noticed_ , Sana thinks to herself and she grows even warmer. “Yeah,” she mutters, rubbing her neck, “I had to pass a few requirements for one of my courses. I’m sorry I couldn’t come.” 

Dahyun giggles and the sound is like music to Sana’s ears. “I’m only joking, Sana-unnie,” she says, crossing her arms, “College keeps you busy. I’ll be experiencing that firsthand.” 

“Oh, yeah. Have you figured out where you'll be going?”

Dahyun winks at her. “Seoul National University,” she responds, “Chaeng is going there too. I'll be studying Music and she's taking up Arts. We’ll be seeing each other a lot more now, unnie. Hopefully!” 

It’s strange. Sana hasn’t seen Dahyun in two years. But she’s reminded of that time eight years ago, when she saw this _angel_ for the very first time. She remembers how beautiful Dahyun had looked. She remembers how she was struck speechless. She remembers how fast her heart raced inside her chest. The memory has never left her mind because it was the first time Sana felt so _strongly_ for someone before, even when she barely knew them.

She feels all of these emotions once again, rushing over her in waves. It’s been eight years and yet, Dahyun still makes her feel like that kid. Stumbling through someplace she wasn’t supposed to be. Feeling as if she’s been caught doing something she shouldn’t have. Knowing that her heart isn’t lying. It has never lied. And here it is again, telling her now that feelings _don’t_ fade, especially when it comes to Kim Dahyun. 

“Yeah,” Sana hears herself say, feeling her lips twitch into a smile, “Hopefully.” 

*

For the first time in a long time, Sana finds herself seated across Dahyun at the Yoo residence. 

This goes on for the entire summer.

(It feels like home.)

*

Summer ends and all four of them travel to Seoul together. 

On the drive leading to the city, Jeongyeon plays _The 1975_ on the radio. Sana has taken residence in the shotgun seat while Dahyun and Chaeyoung joke around and conduct random rap sessions in the back. It's both a familiar and unfamiliar kind of chaotic. It reminds Sana of the years spent in the Yoo house; two pairs of best friends aligned like parallels—always side by side but never truly together. 

Halfway through the ride, Sana reaches up to adjust the mirror. As she does so, she catches sight of Dahyun in the backseat. Dahyun, for some reason, is watching Jeongyeon drum her fingers on the wheel and sing along to Matthew Healy's voice: 

_I don't want your body_

_But I hate to think about you with somebody else_

_Our love has gone cold_

_You're intertwining your soul with somebody else_

Sana doesn't really understand the lyrics but her heart burns anyway. 

*

When college comes around, Jeongyeon and Sana take Dahyun and Chaeyoung to their first ever party. 

"Your sister is _so_ cute, Jeongyeon-ah," Nayeon coos, pinching Chaeyoung's cheeks when the two freshies arrive at their room. 

"Hey!" Chaeyoung grumbles as she slaps Nayeon's hand away, "I'm not _cute_."

"Feisty, too," Nayeon adds. Then she touches Chaeyoung's pink hair. "I like it." 

Both Jeongyeon and Dahyun laugh at Chaeyoung's misery. The two of them are seated on Jeong's bed, their knees touching. Dahyun's hair is now colored a pastel purple, the top half looking faded while the ends deepened in terms of shade. Her cheeks are flushed but for what reason, Sana doesn't know. 

Momo, on the other side of the room, is in the middle of applying her make-up when she spots Sana staring longingly at Dahyun. 

"What's that look on your face?" Momo whispers, leaning in and smirking. 

Sana blinks out of her reverie and scowls at her roommate. "Nothing," she says too quickly. 

" _Sure_ ," is all that Momo says. Then she finishes off her lipstick, shoots the occupants of the room a wide smile, and says, "Let's go?" 

*

Sana doesn’t really remember much about the party. 

When they arrived, it was already in full swing. People of all year levels were dancing to the loud bass of the music, holding red cups and grinding on each other’s bodies. Almost at once, they'd been separated. Nayeon and Momo dragged Sana away to meet a few people they think she'd like and Jeongyeon was stuck babysitting Chaeyoung and Dahyun. 

Sana met so many new people that night it was almost a blur. 

"Sana-yah," she remembers Momo saying at one point in the night, "This is Chou Tzuyu." 

Chou Tzuyu, as far as Sana can remember, was very beautiful. They talked for an hour, mostly about what they were studying. For some reason, Sana was tense, which was why she kept drinking that night. It was to fight off the nerves she felt. Tzuyu was apparently studying Veterinary Medicine, which Sana thought was very interesting. They were in the middle of talking about different breeds of dogs when Tzuyu told her something: “You know, I’m not really a party person.” 

“Then what’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?” Sana asked cheekily, taking a sip of her beer. 

Tzuyu smiled, a dimple peeking out from her right cheek. “I don’t know,” she answered as she let out a sigh, “I think I just want to meet new people and make new friends.” 

“It’s harder than one expects.”

“Oh, care to share?”

Like always, Sana’s mind jumped to Dahyun. “Sometimes,” she began with pursed lips, “you can know a person your entire life and never be friends with them.”

Tzuyu looked at her carefully. “That sounds very wise.” 

“That’s cause I’m a Psych major.”

Tzuyu laughed, which made Sana smile. This freshman was very pretty. Almost like a model. Maybe she should make a move and start dating again. It had been a while since her last date. After all, her relationship with Jihyo ended nearly a year before.

Just as she was about to suggest that they head someplace quieter, Sana caught sight of a purple-haired girl heading into the sea of dancing college kids. Her heart skipped a beat. A telltale sign. 

Dahyun. 

Dahyun? 

_Dahyun._

Sana was drunker than she realized because the next thing she knew, she was apologizing to Tzuyu and stumbling after Dahyun. When she thinks about it now, she remembers the way the crowd had pressed against her, smelling strongly of alcohol and sweat. Dahyun was nowhere in sight. The lights were so blinding she had to shield her eyes from the glare.

And then—

Sana remembers tripping on somebody's foot and nearly falling onto the alcohol-covered floor. Thankfully, somebody caught her in time. The hand locked around her bicep was firm. When she looked up, all the words died in her throat at the sight of purple-haired Kim Dahyun, grinning at her. “You need to be careful, unnie,” Dahyun’s words come back to her now, “or else you’ll get hurt.” 

That’s the last thing Sana remembers. 

She wakes up the next day back in her room with Nayeon and Momo tangled on the bed next to her. She has a splitting headache, pounding behind her eyes and making her almost nauseous. For a few, painful seconds after she sits up on the mattress and leans on the wall next to her, she has to struggle with keeping the bile in and taking deep lungfuls of air. 

Her phone is lying on the pillow next to her. 

Sana tries to remember the rest of the night with increasing difficulty. The more she thinks about it, the more her head just wants to cave in. As she sits there on the bed with her eyes squeezed shut against the sunlight pouring in through the window, she rubs at her aching limbs and tries to recall if she even did some dancing last night. The first thing that comes to mind when she thinks of the party is talking for nearly an hour to Chou Tzuyu and then ditching her in the pursuit of Kim Dahyun.

_Dahyun._

Sana picks up her phone. There’s a text from Jeongyeon, telling her to drink the water and medicine she prepared the night before on the bedside table. A few messages from Nayeon and Momo at nearly midnight, asking her where the hell she was. A link to some conspiracy website sent by her dad. And then, a voicemail from the one and only Kim Dahyun. Sana’s stomach flips over at the sight of it. It’s nearly five minutes long and sent at three in the morning. 

Sana spends nearly half an hour debating whether to listen to it or not. The last thing she remembers about last night was Dahyun catching her before she fell on the floor. Plus, she was intoxicated. What if she had said something that wasn’t meant for Dahyun’s ears? Worse, what if Sana actually let slip that she _likes_ her? What if Dahyun now knows she’s been the subject of Sana’s affections for the past eight—no, _nine_ —years? What if Dahyun now knows that Sana climbed the stairs to the second floor, saw her playing the piano and fell in love at first sight?

Sana’s thoughts are driving her crazy. Nayeon and Momo are going to wake up soon. If she doesn’t make a choice now, she’s going to spend the rest of the day agonizing over it. So, with a heart that’s throbbing painfully inside her chest, she looks down at her phone and plays the recording. 

_“Hi,_ ” Dahyun’s voice comes through, slurred but loud, as if she’s nervous for some reason, “ _I know that we just saw each other tonight but I_ — _I couldn’t stop thinking about you._ ”

Sana’s heart jumps to her throat. 

“ _I’m really drunk right now and Chaeyoung is dead asleep on the_ — _on her bed_ ,” Dahyun continues, hiccuping a few times, “ _and I’ve been trying to sl_ — _sleep as well but for some reason, I just_ — _I really can’t_.”

Sana’s hand grows sweaty. Her throat goes dry. Is this what she thinks this is—?

“ _Anyway,_ ” Dahyun goes on, sounding determined and wholly sober for a few short seconds, “ _I need to tell you something_ — _it’s really important for me to let you know that_ — _that_ — _even though nothing will happen betwe_ — _between us_ , _I still want to tell you how I feel_.” 

The silence that follows gives Sana a few seconds to try and get her bearings together. Is this it? After years of longing, has a miracle worked for her? Is it really true? Could it be real? Has Dahyun felt the same way about her all this time? Has she also been attuned to Sana’s every move; the same way Sana always has been to hers? Has she yearned to see Sana in the halls of their high school, despite being two years younger, and grown happy at the sight of her? Has she thought of Sana every day when they were apart, counting down the seconds till they saw each other again? 

Sana feels like she’s soaring high up in the cloud, hand stretched out to touch the angel she’s been thinking of for nearly half her life. 

And then—

“ _I love you, Yoo Jeongyeon_ ,” Dahyun whispers, “ _I always have, and I always will_.” 

Sana falls. Not the good kind but the kind where she crashes and burns. The kind that has her heart bleeding open on the ground. The kind that leaves her gasping and hurting, trying to stay alive long enough to call for help. 

“ _I know_ —” Dahyun lets out a shaky breath, “ _I know that you might be, uhm, shocked or something like that. I’d get that! I really do! Especially when all you think of me is your little sister’s best friend_.” 

Sana is frozen. 

“ _But I’ve liked you ever since we were kids,_ ” Dahyun says, “ _I’ve liked you forever, Jeongyeon-unnie_ …” 

Her voice trails off, clearly having given up in the middle of her confession. There’s a rustling noise. Dahyun must be tossing and turning. A sigh can be heard. 

“ _I’m going to regret sending you this in the morning,_ ” Dahyun mumbles, “ _but I regret not telling you before, because you_ — _you_ — _you clearly deserve somebody who’s braver than me. And older. More mature. Somebody who knows what_ — _what she really wants and has her life together_. _I know that I want you, but I also know that you_ — _you_ — _you probably don’t want me back_.” 

Silence. Sana can hear her heart breaking. She’s not sure which one is more audible: her’s or Dahyun’s. 

“ _I’m sorry_ ,” is Dahyun’s last words before the call finally ends. 

*

For some reason, Sana remembers something her mother had said before: 

_Satang’s going to get hurt if she’s not careful enough_.

*

( _So, this is how it feels_ , Sana realizes halfway through the day as she desperately tries to pick up the shattered pieces of her heart, _to not be careful_.) 

*

What a cruel way for the universe to get Sana to face reality. Make Kim Dahyun, the person she's loved for so long, confess her feelings to someone else—Yoo Jeongyeon, of all people—and have Sana hear about it firsthand in the form of a wrong voicemail. She knows Dahyun must've sent it to her by accident but for some reason, she wonders if the universe did this on purpose. 

_Love is cruel_ , Sana thinks. 

She can't help but think this is punishment for not returning Jeongyeon's feelings when they were still children. 

If it is, then all Sana wants is absolution. 

*

The next day, Dahyun shows up outside her door.

"Unnie," Dahyun says, her purple hair disheveled and eyes burdened with shadows,"I—" 

“I was wondering when you’d show,” Sana jokes, trying to diffuse the tension since Dahyun looks like she's about to collapse from her nerves. 

Thankfully, Momo is at one of her lectures so the room is empty except for the two of them. Sana gestures for Dahyun to come in. After a second, Dahyun enters. 

It's far from the ideal situation she expected when Dahyun told her that they were going to the same university but at least she's here anyways. She asks Dahyun to take a seat on Momo's bed and proceeds to sit across from her. It's quiet. Sana can't bear to look at the younger girl's face. 

"Did you tell her?" Dahyun asks after a moment. 

"Jeongyeon?" Sana asks, shaking her head, "I haven't seen her since the party." 

"Oh." 

"I won't tell her, you know," Sana says, "I wouldn't do that to you." 

Dahyun forcibly smiles. 

Silence again. It's unbearable. Sana wants nothing more than to speak but for some reason, she can't. She honestly doesn't know what to say. What else can she say? What do you say after you realize the person you've been in love with for the past several years is in love with your best friend? 

"I didn't mean to send it to you," Dahyun mutters, her voice shaky, "I meant… to send it to Jeongyeon-unnie. Your names are next to each other's in my phone—"

"Minatozaki Sana," Sana cuts Dahyun off, "and Yoo Jeongyeon. How do you mix that up?" 

Dahyun looks away. "Your name in my contacts is **Jeongyeon's BFF** ," she mutters. 

"Oh." 

Sana feels like a thousand needles have pierced her heart. She swallows the lump in her throat and tries to focus on the situation at hand. But it doesn't work. All she can think about is how this revelation has confirmed her worst fears—

She means nothing to Dahyun. All along Sana has longed for her and Dahyun has only thought of her as nothing more than Jeongyeon's best friend. Just the girl who came over to the Yoo residence every week. Just the girl who sat across her at the dining table. Just Yoo Jeongyeon's best friend. 

_Nothing more, nothing less._

It hurts a lot more than she thought was possible. 

"What are you going to do now?" Sana asks, clearing her throat. When she raises her head, she sees Dahyun looking at her with wide, vulnerable eyes. It strikes a chord in her. 

"I don't know," the younger girl whispers, "What do you think should I do?" 

_Don't go after her_ , Sana wants to say but bites her tongue instead. It's not fair for all three parties involved if she inserts herself into the situation and stops Dahyun from confessing her feelings to Jeongyeon. 

(No good comes out of keeping silent about the things that matter.) 

"You should tell her," Sana says lightly, forcing a smile, "I don't see why you shouldn't." She leans back on the bed and tilts her head to the ceiling. She feels like a fucking hypocrite. 

"And if she doesn't feel the same way?" Dahyun asks quietly. 

"Then she doesn't," Sana answers, voice thick with emotion. She tries her best to keep the tears in. "It's not the end of the world if she doesn't feel the same way." 

_It's not the end of the world_ , Sana thinks to herself, _even though it feels like it is._

*

To Sana's surprise, things change but not the way she expects it to. 

When all she wants to do is wallow in her despair and be left alone from the rest of the world, it's Dahyun who seeks her out. 

*

"Sana-unnie!" somebody calls when Sana emerges from her 8:00 AM lecture. 

It’s way too early for anybody to be so loud today, so Sana looks around with a scowl on her face. However, the scowl promptly vanishes when she sees Dahyun approaching her. Instead, her stupid traitorous heart flips over, as if it hasn’t learned its lesson when it was crushed into smithereens a few days ago. She stops walking and waves at her other friends to go ahead. 

“Hey,” she greets Dahyun with a small smile, “What’s up?” 

“Have you had breakfast yet?” the younger girl asks. She looks beautiful today, as all the other days. Her purple hair, now fading at some edges, is tied in a bun on top of her head. She’s also wearing glasses, which is the first time Sana has seen her wearing one. It further solidifies the fact that Sana truly doesn’t know her at all but also deepens the thrum in Sana’s chest. _Cute_ , she can’t help but think. 

“No,” she tells Dahyun, “I had a quick cup of coffee, though.” 

The younger girl frowns. “That’s not breakfast, unnie.” 

“The definition of breakfast is relative.”

The two of them linger awkwardly. 

“If you want,” Dahyun begins, “I can treat you to some breakfast. My class also just ended.”

Sana side-eyes her. “What’s in it for me? Is this bribery?”

“Nothing!” The purple-haired girl rubs at her neck. “I just wanted to repay you in some way. You know, for not telling Jeongyeon that I sent that voicemail.”

 _Ah_ , Sana thinks to herself, sighing sadly, _thank you for reminding me_. Still, it’s not fair to hold such a grudge against Dahyun, especially when the young girl has done nothing but be human. So, she accepts Dahyun’s offer and the two of them head to this small bakery just a few blocks away from the university. 

If Sana doesn’t know any better, then she would think this is a date. 

But she does know better. 

A waiter comes by and asks them what they’ll be ordering. Sana replies with a plate of sweet pancakes and a cup of black coffee. Dahyun responds with, “Same as hers but with iced chocolate please.” Once they’re left alone, Sana purses her lips and tries not to think about how the sight before her—Dahyun sitting across from the table—is both unfamiliar and familiar. 

She decides to break the ice between them. 

“How’s college?” she asks, “I’m sure you’re enjoying the highs and lows of it.” 

“Oh!” Dahyun blinks, having been interrupted from her thoughts, “It’s good. The workload load is heavy, but I think I can manage.” 

“You’re studying Music, right?”

“Yeah.” Dahyun sheepishly looks away. “Music Composition.” 

Sana frowns and thinks back to a few years ago, when she and Dahyun were talking about college during Jeongyeon’s party. Dahyun mentioned getting a degree in Korean literature and language. And yet, here she is, pursuing Music. A part of her wonders if her input had anything to do with it and if Dahyun had listened to her. A larger part—the cynical, realistic, had-just-gotten-her-heart-broken-part—tells her that Dahyun is her own person and she probably realized what she wanted to study on her own. 

Because to hope that Sana has influenced Dahyun in _any_ way is hilarious and downright pathetic.

They’re not friends, after all. Never have been, never will be.

( _Your name in my contacts is **Jeongyeon’s BFF**._) 

“Why didn’t you tell her?” Dahyun suddenly asks meekly. 

Sana gives her a look. “It’s not my secret to tell.”

“But you guys are best friends,” Dahyun insists, leaning forward, “Best friends are supposed to tell each other everything.”

 _Not everything_ , Sana thinks, looking at the girl in front of her, _not you_. 

“Do _you_ tell Chaeyoung everything?” she redirects the question back to Dahyun, whose face contorts uncomfortably. Sana nods. “Thought so.” 

“I tell her everything that’s important,” Dahyun mumbles, “and even if I don’t tell her stuff in the moment, I tell her afterwards. Because Chaeyoung is my best friend. She knows me better than anyone.” 

Sana is quiet, eyes fixed on the young girl. 

“I know Jeongyeon better than anyone else,” she admits, “and if I told her about your feelings for her without giving _you_ the chance to tell her yourself, then she’ll be upset.” 

“Why would she be?”

Sana thinks back to summer last year—the one where Dahyun wasn’t around—when Jeongyeon told her that she used to have a crush on her before. 

_Why are you bringing this up_?

 _I just thought you should know_.

“Everybody should have the choice to confess to the ones they love,” Sana murmurs, “within their own time.” 

Dahyun doesn’t say anything. The waiter comes with their orders. Sana’s mouth practically waters at the sight of their breakfast. The two digs in, enjoying the relative peace and quiet. Dahyun isn’t much of a talker, which Sana has known about. Each time they had dinner at the Yoos, Dahyun was more content in listening to everybody else while it was Sana who made everybody laugh with her little jokes here and there. 

Now that Sana thinks about it, she wonders if Dahyun was only quiet during those times because she didn’t want to make a fool of herself in front of Jeongyeon. 

After hearing Dahyun’s confession, Sana realizes that she has to rethink everything about the younger girl now. Not when it comes to Dahyun’s true personality, which has always been a mystery to her but… when it comes to Jeongyeon. When did Dahyun fall in love with Jeongyeon? What is Dahyun like when she’s alone with Jeongyeon? Have they ever been alone? Has Jeongyeon ever heard Dahyun play the piano? Has Dahyun ever played for Jeongyeon? Is Jeongyeon the reason why Dahyun chose this university to study in? How long? How long has Dahyun felt this way? How long has she looked at Jeongyeon with yearning in her eyes, the same way Sana always has looked at her? 

Sana’s heart starts to ache again. She should stop thinking. Dahyun doesn’t love her. It’s okay.

( _It’s not okay_.)

“Do you remember the party?” Dahyun suddenly asks as she’s in the middle of slicing her pancakes.

“Hmm?”

“We hung out at the party.”

Sana shakes her head. “It’s a blur,” she mumbles, “The last thing I remember was bumping into you.” 

Dahyun giggles. “You were pretty drunk,” she agrees, “and half of the time, I could barely understand what you were saying.”

Wanting nothing more than to let the ground swallow her whole, Sana sinks back in her seat and looks down at her feet. “Did I—” she begins, inhaling a deep breath, “Did I say anything… weird?” 

Dahyun hums, trying to remember. “No,” she says, “Nothing of that kind.” 

Sana relaxes.

“But now that I think about it,” Dahyun mutters, rubbing at her chin, “I remember you saying one thing that stuck with me.”

Fear strikes at Sana’s heart and she tries to think of anything she might’ve said that would cause Dahyun to remember it a few days later. But her stupid brain is completely blank. That night is nothing more than a blocked memory now. Stupid alcohol. She hopes her drunk self hasn’t completely screwed things over for her. 

“What did I say?” she asks slowly and carefully. 

Dahyun smiles widely at her, eyes crinkling around the corners. It’s a breathless sight to see. Sana knows she will forever remember this moment. 

“You told me I was like an angel,” Dahyun says, still smiling the same smile that Sana fell in love with over the years. 

_You are_ , Sana wants to say, _you’ve always been an angel_.

*

Sana meets up with Jeongyeon for dinner later that night. Just the two of them, catching up with each other. It’s familiar and easy, like breathing oxygen. Jeongyeon comes to pick her up at their dorm and they head to their favorite restaurant. 

Halfway through dinner, Sana finds herself staring at Jeongyeon. 

“What’s up, Satang?” her best friend asks, smiling at her in confusion. 

“Nothing,” Sana says and looks away, “I was just thinking.”

“You always are.” Jeongyeon leans back in her seat and pats her belly. “Do you remember that one time you sent a message to our group chat and told us that sitting in front of microwaves can fry your brain cells due to the gamma radiation?”

“It’s a perfectly reasonable theory,” Sana argues.

“Nah, you’re just fucking weird.” 

Sana grabs a piece of sliced beef from the plate and throws it at Jeongyeon who manages to catch it in her mouth. The two of them cheer happily, arms raised up in the sky. This gets a few stares from around the restaurant and Sana grins at Jeongyeon, who grins back at her. 

Being best friends with Yoo Jeongyeon is nice. 

Sana understands why Dahyun fell for her. 

*

Once again, Sana finds Dahyun waiting for her outside her classroom.

“Breakfast again?” the older girl asks, her heart fluttering at the sight of _her_ angel. 

Dahyun sheepishly smiles. 

And once again, Sana finds herself sitting across Dahyun at the bakery with a plate of sweet pancakes and a cup of coffee. Dahyun insists on paying for breakfast and Sana only accepts, provided that she treats Dahyun out next time. The two of them talk about their classes for a while before the topic changes.

“Why do you come to me?” Sana asks, tilting her head to the side. 

Dahyun pauses, eyes growing hazy. “Because you’re the only one I can talk to about Jeongyeon-unnie,” she says after a moment, “The only one who knows how deeply I feel.”

“Chaeyoung doesn’t know?”

“She knew when we were kids,” Dahyun answers, “but she thought that it faded after a year or two. I didn’t want to tell her because she might think it’s weird or something.” 

“Is it really weird?” Sana goes on to say, “Crushing on your best friend’s older sister?” 

_Because I have a crush on my best friend’s younger sister’s best friend_ , she thinks to herself.

“Not that,” the purple-haired girl says, fidgeting in her seat, “She might think it’s weird that I never did anything about it. Chaeyoung is brave like that. When she wants to do something, she does it. And she never regrets anything. She knows what she wants. Not like me. I can’t be brave when it comes to Jeongyeon.” 

Dahyun looks down at her hands and Sana sees her lower lip shaking. It makes something in her heart cave in, similar to how she felt when she first listened to Dahyun's confession. It’s one thing to have her heart broken by Dahyun, it’s another to see Dahyun’s own heart breaking. She can easily tell which of the two scenarios hurt her more.

“Why do you think that?” Sana asks, leaning forward, “Why do you think you can’t be brave?” 

Dahyun raises her head and her eyes—so warm and so hazel—are shining with unshed tears. 

“Because I don’t want to get hurt,” she mutters, “Taking a chance means getting hurt.” 

_Wrong_ , Sana wants to say, her heart in her throat; _Even if you don’t take a chance, you’ll still get hurt_.

( _Like me_.)

*

“I’m still not sure if I should tell her,” Dahyun mumbles after they eat their food and head back to the school. 

Sana purses her lips and shrugs her shoulders. “What’s the harm?” she questions out loud, “So far, she isn’t seeing anybody. Maybe you might have a chance.” 

“You don’t sound so optimistic, Sana-unnie.” 

“I’m just telling it how it is.” 

Dahyun lets out a deep sigh and kicks at a pebble on the ground. “Even if she is single,” she mutters, “I doubt that she’d look at me like that. I’m just a kid.” 

“You’re in college.” 

“I’m two years younger,” Dahyun argues, pinching her own cheeks and making Sana stare, “and every time we’re alone, all she does is tease me.” 

“About what?”

“Just stuff.” Dahyun’s hand drops, brushing against Sana’s and making it _burn._ “She treats me like Chaeyoung. Like I’m just her sister.” 

Sana thinks about Dahyun’s name for her in her contacts and visibly deflates. “You’re more than that, Dahyun-ah,” she says, stopping in her tracks and letting herself be supportive for once, “All you have to do is show Jeongyeon the real you—the one that isn’t _just_ Chaeyoung’s best friend.”

Dahyun chews on her lower lip. “And what if she… doesn’t like the real me?” 

_Impossible_ , Sana thinks fiercely, _Who wouldn’t like_ you _?_

“Then it’s her loss,” is all that she says before she resumes walking.

She can feel Dahyun’s stare on her back and it makes her heart race. 

*

( _So close_ , Sana writes in her diary, _and yet so far_.) 

*

Nayeon and Momo try to set Sana up with another girl. This time, they introduce her to Myoui Mina. A sophomore studying Dance. She’s very pretty with long blonde hair, brown eyes and a delicate smile. A few moles are scattered across her face. She’s also Japanese, much to Sana’s delight. 

But there’s just a problem. 

“You’re roommates with Jihyo?” Sana asks, eyebrows shooting up in surprise when Mina tells her how she knows of Sana. They’re seated in a coffee shop, a few tables away from a group of college students all catching up with their friends. 

Mina smiles. “Yes,” she answers, “I consider her one of my closest friends.”

“Shouldn’t there be a rule?” Sana asks, placing her chin on top of her hand and narrowing her eyes at Mina, “Don’t date your friend’s ex?” 

“I’m a firm believer of that rule,” Mina agrees, “since I’m not here to date you.” 

Sana quirks an eyebrow. “Then _why_ are you here?” 

The blonde shrugs, smiling mysteriously. “I guess I’m just curious,” she says as she reaches for her cup of vanilla-laced coffee, “You're the girl that made Park Jihyo consider dating for once. I’ve known her since high school. She always had a plan and it never involved a girlfriend. You must be special.” A short pause, as Mina lets the words sink in. “Plus, I’ve heard good things about you from Momo-chan. I figured that a year later, I can reach out to you.” 

Sana whistles. “So you just want to be friends?” 

Mina shrugs. “Would that be so hard to believe?” 

“What makes you think making friends is so easy?” 

“Because it is,” Mina answers in Japanese, without missing a beat, smiling gently at Sana, “All you have to do is make the first move.” 

*

(Sana has to wonder if this can be considered as Dahyun making the first move in this strange, new friendship they’ve found themselves in—tied together not by bond but by a secret.) 

*

“If I didn’t know any better,” Sana says when she sees Dahyun sitting on the fountain just outside the building in which she just had her class, “I’d say you were stalking me.” 

Dahyun looks up, apparently surprised to see the older girl standing in front of her. “I’m not!” she says hastily, pointing at the notebook she holds in her hand, “I’m just writing some notes.” 

Since Sana doesn’t have anything else better to do than catch up on her reading, she takes a seat next to Dahyun on the fountain. Behind them, the cool water flows steadily and with no rush. It makes Sana wonder what it’d be like to be a body of water. Just existing. Without a care in the world and not to worry about a bunch of essays that need to be written. 

“What’s that for?” Sana asks, watching Dahyun from the corner of her eye. 

“It’s for a piece I’m working on,” the younger girl answers as she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear with her tongue poking out from between her teeth.

( _Cute_ , a voice in the back of her mind says. It’s the voice that belongs to the third face, the voice that still yearns for Dahyun, the voice that doesn’t know how to let go of a love that has never been hers to begin with. It’s the voice Sana hears every day before she wakes up and every night before she goes to sleep.)

“Is it for school?” she asks, forcing these thoughts away. 

Dahyun hesitates. “Not really,” she mumbles under her breath. 

Sana takes a peek at Dahyun’s notebook. It’s full of musical notes. She’s never learned how to read sheet music. However, she can clearly read the words on top: _Dear Yoo Jeongyeon_. 

Oh. 

Sana’s heart constricts in her ribcage. The more she spends time with Dahyun, the more Dahyun unknowingly hurts her. _Must be the power of love_ , she thinks to herself bitterly. 

“You’re going to play her a song?” Sana asks. 

Dahyun looks up, hearing incredulity in Sana’s voice. “Is it a bad idea?” she asks, “I’m not really good with words so I… I thought—I don’t know anymore—I just want to tell her how I _feel_ —” 

“I’m not saying it’s a bad idea!” Sana quickly says, raising her hand and resting it on Dahyun’s shoulder to calm her down. It’s the first time they’ve touched. Underneath her palm, Dahyun feels… _real_. Solid. A human being. A girl. Not an angel. Not Sana’s angel. Just… her own person. 

It’s a strange thought to have, especially when they’ve known of each other for so long. Still, as Sana looks into Dahyun’s eyes, she’s mindful not to let her hand linger. It’s not in her place, after all. 

Even though it’s the last thing she wants. 

“You can tell her however you want,” Sana tells her sincerely, “It’s your choice.”

Dahyun stares. “What do _you_ think?” 

“Me?” Sana pulls away, laughing softly. “Why does my opinion matter here?”

“Because you’re Jeongyeon-unnie’s best friend.” 

_Ah_ , Sana thinks, her smile crumbling, _another reminder._

“I think she’d like it,” she answers nonetheless, “Jeongyeon is the type of person who’s very… _sincere_ in everything she does. Sure, she cheats a lot in games and scares the crap out of me every time we watch horror movies but she’s honest in her feelings. She won’t hang out with you if she doesn’t like you.” She meets Dahyun’s eyes again. “And she’ll tell you how she really feels if you do the same to her.” 

Dahyun hums. “You’ve been friends for so long, unnie,” she murmurs, “Did you ever consider the possibility—?” 

“Nope,” Sana is quick to answer, giggling at Dahyun’s offended look, “I don’t think of Jeong that way. She’s like a sister to me.”

“Ouch.” Dahyun grabs the front of her shirt, as if she’s been shot through the heart. “Sister-zoned. I understand how that feels.” 

Sana snorts. _You best friend-zoned me_ , a voice in the back of her head says snidely, _and I’m not even yours_. She pushes that voice away. 

They grow quiet again, just enjoying the silence that has fallen comfortably over them. 

“Will you listen?” Dahyun asks out of the blue, eyes now fixed on her notebook. "When I finish?" 

Sana thinks about it. “To your confession piece?” 

Dahyun nods slowly. “You’re one of the few people who know that I play,” she explains, “and I haven’t made any close friends here yet. Asking Chaeyoung would be a death sentence so…” 

Before she can stop herself, Sana asks, “Do you consider me a friend?” 

“Yes.” It’s a quick response but Dahyun sounds genuine. “I know you, you know me. Just because we haven’t spent a lot of time together doesn’t mean we aren’t friends.” 

The words make Sana feel both warm and cold. She really doesn’t know how to feel around Dahyun anymore. One thing remains clear, however: her heart hasn’t slowed down ever since she took a seat next to the younger girl. “And you trust me?” Sana asks, her voice growing soft. 

Dahyun nods. “I do,” she answers, eyes searching the older girl’s face, “I trust you a lot more than you know.” 

Is it possible to fall once more for someone you’ve been in love with for nine years already? The answer is yes, because Sana finds herself falling even deeper than ever. From afar, Kim Dahyun is already as beautiful and perfect as she expected. But up close, she feels as if she’s revisiting one of her favorite books from before and finding newer meanings to the words she’s already memorized. 

Before, when she looked at Dahyun, she saw the girl who played the piano in a Christian church a few days after moving into their small down. And now, when their eyes meet in the small space that separates them both, Sana sees more than that. She sees Kim Dahyun. 

“I trust you too,” she says, trying to play it off casually, even though it feels like somebody has jump started her heart and it’s now twitching rather rapidly inside her chest; “Just saying.”

To her surprise, Dahyun laughs, puts down her notebook and flings her arms around Sana. “You’re pretty cool, unnie,” she says, “How come we’ve never hung out before?”

Sana’s limbs are locked frozen as the realization of what’s going on hits her straight in the face. Dahyun is _hugging_ her and Sana—caught off guard by the enormity of this gesture—can do nothing but simply _let_ her. She stares straight ahead because she knows that if she looks to her left, she’ll see Dahyun up close and personal. Frankly, she doesn’t think she can handle that. 

And then, she realizes something else—

“You smell like baby powder,” she says out loud, mentally facepalming herself a second later. 

“Eh?” Dahyun lets go of her and leans back. The absence of her warmth is something Sana already missed so dearly, even though she only felt it just now. 

“Baby powder,” Sana finds herself repeating, “Is that your perfume?”

At first, Dahyun looks confused before her expression gradually fades away and her mouth curls up into a wide grin again. “Oh, yeah,” she says, shaking her head, “Sorry, I didn’t think you’d focus on that. My mom always bought that kind of scent for me. Guess it just stuck?” 

Sana can’t stop thinking. Finally, an answer to a question that’s eluded her for so long. After sharing in the same space for the past nine years, Sana now knows what Dahyun smells like. Baby powder. Baby powder. Baby powder. Like innocence and babies. A part of her wants to reach out and hug Dahyun again because firstly, that’s one of her languages of love and secondly, she wants to hold her close and breathe the younger girl in again. Sana _aches_ for physical touch but she stops herself when it comes to the one person she wants to wrap her arms around. She doesn’t want to inadvertently push Dahyun away. 

“It’s fine,” she says, smiling brightly at the younger girl, “It just popped in my head.”

“Okay, you weirdo.”

“Says the girl who’s crushing on her best friend’s older sister.” 

“Eh— _hey_!” 

Sana bursts out laughing and dodges Dahyun’s slap.

*

Against all odds, Sana and Dahyun become friends. 

*

Their meetings before happened by chance but now, they actively seek each other out. 

The reason why Dahyun offered her breakfast the first time was because her class was at the same building and ended the same time Sana's did. This class was scheduled on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, which meant Sana saw Dahyun three times a week. They'd take turns paying for breakfast and talk about Dahyun's plans in confessing. 

Slowly, as time passes, their conversations stop revolving around Jeongyeon and gradually become more about each other. In a matter of months, Sana's deep wishes have come true. She has gotten to know Dahyun, as she has always wanted to and as the unspoken rule between the Yoo sisters has prevented her from doing so. Neither of them tells their best friends about this new development but for drastically different reasons. 

Dahyun doesn't tell Chaeyoung because her secret is about her sister. On the other hand, Sana doesn't tell Jeongyeon because she wants Dahyun all to herself, no matter how painfully and pitifully selfish it sounds. It doesn't even matter if Dahyun talks about Jeongyeon all day. As long as Sana has this, she is content. 

(It’s not what she wants but Sana has never been picky.) 

*

“Where are you going?” Momo asks Sana, who grabs her purse from the bedside table after receiving a text from Dahyun: _want to grab a bite to eat_? 

“To eat,” Sana responds. It’s not a lie but for some reason, she can’t look at Momo. 

“With whom?” 

“Just a friend.” Sana’s heart picks up speed. She can say it now. She can say that she and Dahyun are friends. 

Momo hums, flipping through the pages of the book in her lap. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with Dahyun-ssi,” she comments lightly. 

“Yeah, we come from the same town,” Sana agrees, not even blinking at the fact that Momo knows exactly who she’s going with. Guess she isn’t that good at hiding stuff from her own roommate, who sees her at the start and end of each day. She pulls on her shoes and stops to reply to Dahyun that she’s on her way. 

“When did you start liking her?” Momo asks. 

Sana’s breath hitches as her entire body stills. To answer Momo’s question would be to admit her feelings about Dahyun to another living human being. Sure, Momo has become a very dear friend to her. She’s nearly at the same level as Jeongyeon. Plus, Momo doesn’t know Dahyun like Jeongyeon does. They don’t have a connection. Dahyun isn’t in love with Momo.

And yet, Sana finds herself unable to answer that question truthfully. 

“I don’t,” she says, standing up and leaving the room, “I’ll see you later.” 

*

Sana and Dahyun plan to grab some tteokbokki in downtown Seoul. They take the train there because both of them don’t own any cars. On the way, they talk about their classes as they’re seated next to each other, knees and shoulders brushing. It makes Sana’s heart blossom. And despite the cramped space of public transportation, she can still smell Dahyun’s baby powder-scented perfume. 

“I’ve got this 1,000-word essay on the history of music that I need to pass tomorrow,” Dahyun tells her, sighing dramatically when Sana giggles at her misfortune, “Like, it’s so weird. I could do everything back in high school without any problems but when it’s college…” 

“It’s harder,” Sana agrees, “Like there’s not enough time to do anything.”

“Kind of makes me miss being the class president,” Dahyun mutters, “Like feeling accomplished at the end of the day… Now, I’m always tired.” 

A surprised laugh slips out of Sana’s lips. “ _You_ were the class president?” she asks with a grin, deeply impressed at this new information, “I never pegged you to be the type.” 

Dahyun scoffs. “That’s because all you’ve seen of me is when I hang out with Chaeyoung at their house,” she points out. 

_Of course_ , Sana thinks to herself, _because that’s all we had before_. 

Now, it’s different. Now, they’re spending time without the Yoo sisters. Now, they’re talking and riding trains together. Now, Sana can look at Dahyun without having to look away. 

It’s everything that she’s wanted. 

( _She wants more_.) 

“Yeah,” she says, looking away, “You guys are always together.”

“Like you and Jeongyeon.” Dahyun smiles cheekily. “Are you _sure_ you don’t have any feelings for her?” 

“Yes,” Sana says, rolling her eyes, “What about you? Have you ever considered Chaeyoung-ah?” 

“Ew, God no,” the purple-haired girl exclaims, shuddering, “She’s like my sister! Or my bro. Chaengie is my bestest bro.” 

Sana reaches up and flicks Dahyun’s forehead. The younger girl feigns getting hurt and falls back on her seat. The two of them giggle, stuck in their own world. It’s nice. Spending time with Dahyun, her angel, is nice. 

When the two of them reach the tteokbokki place and Dahyun throws a giddy smile over her shoulder at the sight of the food, Sana comes to a realization. One that she should’ve realized sooner. The more she spends time with Dahyun, the more she understands that Dahyun isn’t just the angel who played piano and stole Sana’s heart that day in church. 

Dahyun is her own person. 

She’s more than Sana’s angel. She’s more than Chaeyoung’s best friend. She’s more than the girl who’s in love with Yoo Jeongyeon. 

She’s Kim Dahyun, twenty years old, has one older brother and is best friends with Son Chaeyoung. She plays the piano, loves chocolate pie, and was class president in high school. When she’s sad, she tries to hold her tears back in and play it off with a laugh afterwards. When she’s happy, she can’t stop smiling and her eyes crinkle around the corners. When she laughs, it makes Sana laugh too. She’s funny without trying too hard. She’s beautiful without realizing it herself. She’s a person with her own hopes and dreams and insecurities and fears and everything in between. 

This is what Sana has been missing all along. 

This is what she’s been waiting for. 

*

“Hey, Jeong,” Sana calls, waltzing straight into Jeongyeon’s room. 

Jeongyeon looks up, eyes wide. “Sana-yah!” she yelps, quickly hiding her phone under the pillow for some strange reason, “You—I—why—what are you doi—doing here?” 

“Am I not allowed to see my best friend?” 

Nayeon isn’t around, which is expected, as today is her anniversary with Momo. Sana, feeling a bit lonely in her dorm, sought out her best friend. Unfortunately, Jeongyeon doesn’t seem so happy to see her. 

“You should’ve told me before,” Jeongyeon says, “What if I had been changing?”

Sana rolls her eyes and plops down on Nayeon’s bed, facing her best friend. “As if there’s anything left for you to hide from me,” she points out, “What’s gotten in you?”

“Nothing,” Jeongyeon mumbles.

“Were you watching porn?”

A beat passes. Jeongyeon sheepishly grins. Sana sighs loudly and waves her off. “Gross,” she says, “Anyway, do you want to have dinner with me? I’ll treat you.” 

Jeongyeon doesn’t meet her gaze. “I have something to do later,” she mumbles, “You know, school project. But we can eat out tomorrow, if you want!”

Sana raises her eyebrows. It’s the first time Jeongyeon has rejected her offer for dinner. Usually, she never turns down free food. She’s about to point out this fact when Jeongyeon checks her phone again and goes white. “Ah!” She jumps up to her feet and tugs her Vans on. “I got to skat. Sorry, Sana-yah. Let’s have dinner tomorrow. My treat!” 

“Jeong—” 

“See ya!” 

And with that, Jeongyeon leaves. 

Sana sighs and pulls out her phone. Without thinking too much about it (because it’s become second nature), she sends Dahyun a quick message: _wanna eat somewhere?_ To her surprise, not even a few seconds has passed before she gets a reply. Dahyun has also sent a text the same time she did: _chaeng just bailed on me and i’m craving bulgogi :(((_

Dahyun sends another message: _lol guess we were thinking the same thing :D_

Sana’s heart swells with joy as her mouth curls into a smile. “Yes,” she whispers quietly, her thumbs already forming a response, “Guess we were.”

*

“Hey,” Momo calls, dropping on the empty space next to Sana on her bed, “Mina’s hosting a party at their place. Well, not really a party. More like a gathering.”

Sana looks up with a furrow between her eyebrows. “She doesn’t seem the type.”

“Tell me about it,” Momo says with a grin, “but apparently, it’s just a small party. A few people are invited, like you, me, Nayeon and Jeong. And each of us can bring plus-ones! So, like, I’ll be bringing Tzuyu.”

“Who’s Nayeon bringing?”

“Nayeon and I are a package deal,” Momo tells her brightly, “so technically, she’s also bringing Tzuyu.”

“Gay.” Sana already knows Jeongyeon is going to be dragging her little sister with them. “Maybe I’ll bring Dahyun.” 

Momo winks deviously at her. “Knew you’d say that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Giggling, Momo jumps up to her feet and blows a kiss at Sana. “Nothing,” she says in a singsong voice, “It just means that you’re _whipped_. Anyway, the party is on Friday night. Bring snacks. I gotta go, see ya roomie!” 

“Momo—” 

Similar to what Jeongyeon did a few days ago, Sana is left gaping at the closed door.

Sighing, she pulls out her phone and sends a message to Dahyun. Her eyes linger on the picture she’s already set for the younger girl—a photo of the purple-haired girl with Snapchat’s iconic dog filter, grinning broadly at the camera. Her name in Sana’s contacts is **The Da in SAIDA** , as the two of them apparently prefer the drink over cola. A rush of fondness and affection threatens to spill from Sana’s heart at the reminder that Dahyun has changed Sana’s own name in her phone: **The Sa in SAIDA**. 

They’ve come a long way together. 

(She’s no longer just **Jeongyeon’s BFF**.)

Sana calls Dahyun, who picks up a few rings later. “Hey, Dahyun-ah,” she greets, “What are you doing now?” 

“Homework,” Dahyun responds with a groan, “Why? What’s up?”

“There’s a party this Friday.”

“I appreciate the invite, but I’ve got a lot of work to do—”

“Jeongyeon will be there,” Sana says teasingly, even though it breaks her heart. 

Silence on the other end until Sana hears Dahyun exhale a small sigh and mumble, “Okay, I’ll be there. Just send me the details.”

The call ends. The silence is deafening. Sana finds herself smiling down at Dahyun’s picture on her phone, ignoring how much her chest hurts. 

*

On the night of the party, the four roommates—Jeongyeon, Nayeon, Sana and Momo—take their plus-ones—Chaeyoung, Dahyun and Tzuyu—to Mina and Jihyo's shared apartment in the heart of Seoul. 

At first, Sana is nervous about seeing Jihyo again, despite the calm way their relationship ended. Their interactions lately have only been limited to passing each other in the hallways or when Jihyo and Mina have to meet up somewhere. Even though they were both amiable in the break-up, it’s still awkward. She doesn’t want things to be awkward, especially when their friends are involved. 

The worry must’ve been obvious in her face because Dahyun, walking quickly to match her pace, nudges her shoulder gently. “Penny for your thoughts?” the younger girl asks with a wide smile. The smell of baby powder flits through the air. 

Sana blinks and returns the grin. “I was just thinking,” she says.

“About?”

“Just stuff.”

Dahyun purses her lips. “Is it bad or good?”

Clearly, Dahyun is trying to get to the bottom of Sana’s pensive mood so the older girl lets out a soft sigh and shrugs her shoulders. “I’m nervous to see my ex again,” she finally admits. Behind them, they can hear the rest of their friend group just chatting without them. It feels strange to have a bubble that is completely their own, especially when they’ve lived in different ones for the majority of the time they’ve known each other. 

Dahyun’s eyes are wide when she looks at Sana again. “You have an ex?” she asks, tone full of disbelief. 

“Yup,” Sana chirps, “Did I forget to mention that? We were together for four months.” 

“You didn’t tell me.” Dahyun looks put off. “Why didn’t you tell me, unnie?” 

Now that Sana thinks about it, it feels strange to talk about her ex with the girl who still has a tight grip on her heart but Dahyun doesn’t need to know that. So, she just shrugs her shoulders once more and answers with, “It never came up.”

“We’ve been talking about my crush on You-Know-Who and _now_ , you’re telling me you have an ex?” Dahyun dramatically waves her arms around in an obvious show of discontentment. “And here, I thought that we were friends!” 

It’s still a long walk to Mina’s apartment so Sana figures it can’t hurt to share a few things. 

“What do you want to know?” she asks, keeping her hands to herself even though she wants nothing more than to hold Dahyun’s. 

Dahyun seems to brighten up at the words. “How did you guys meet?” 

_When I was missing you,_ Sana thinks. Instead, she says, “A year ago. We first met at this mall, but it was only short-lived. She was a freshman while I was in my second year. We met again at the school library when I found her sitting on _my_ table. She thought I was cute, though.” 

Dahyun squeals at the words, clapping her hands like a happy seal. Sana wants to melt at the sight. Thankfully, she manages to keep both of her feet upright and prevent a clumsy accident. She goes on to say how Jihyo was very supportive of her studying and how Sana would drop by the place Jihyo would be working at just to spend some time together. It’s not the happiest love story Sana’s ever told, especially when she thinks back to how quickly it ended, but Sana still tells Dahyun that she was happy. 

Dahyun’s expression shifts. “Why’d you break up then?” she asks in a quiet voice, “If you were so happy.”

Sana thinks of Jihyo’s large brown eyes, often filled with love and adoration whenever she looked at her then-girlfriend, and of Jihyo’s wide gummy smile—one that hid all her insecurities and pain. It makes something in her—an emotion she had long since buried—cave in like a section of a house had toppled over and revealed what was inside. She’s never been the type of person to show her real feelings, especially with how deeply she kept her love for Dahyun a secret, so it’s a struggle for her to look at Dahyun now and tell her the truth: 

“Sometimes,” she begins, “things just don’t work out, no matter how much you want it to.” 

“Oh.” Dahyun frowns. “I see.” 

Sana doesn’t want to talk about it any further. It’s a bad idea to start reminiscing about her relationship with Jihyo when they’re literally on their way towards her apartment. Thankfully, as if by some strange best friend sense, Jeongyeon appears behind them and drapes an arm on either of Sana and Dahyun’s shoulders. 

“Wassup,” Jeongyeon greets, smirking at the two of them.

Dahyun’s cheeks flush red. Sana, seeing this, feels as if cold water has just been splashed on her face. She is reminded of why Dahyun reached out to her in the first place, not because she liked Sana’s company but because Sana knew that she liked Jeongyeon’s. 

“Hi, unnie,” Dahyun sheepishly greets. 

“Didn’t realize you two were friends.”

“I can have other friends besides you,” Sana points out. 

“Ha ha,” Jeongyeon drawls, ruffling Dahyun’s purple hair, “Tell me if she ever bothers you too much okay, Dahyun-ah?”

“I—” Dahyun meets Sana’s gaze, cheeks still flushed. “She hasn’t—she’s—she’s—”

“See?” Jeongyeon throws a scowl at her best friend. “She’s _scared_ of you!” 

_No_ , Sana wants to say, feeling a bit of frustration in her heart, _she’s scared of her feelings for_ you. 

“Whatever, Yoo.” Sana slips out of Jeongyeon’s hold and hops over to Momo’s side. Dahyun looks panicked at the idea of being left alone with her crush but Sana knows that she’s doing both of them a favor. The further she is from Jeongyeon and Dahyun, the lighter her heart will feel inside her chest. 

*

When they get to Mina’s apartment, Jihyo is apparently still grocery shopping for their snacks later so she isn’t around when all of them arrive. Nayeon and Momo are quick to engulf Mina in a hug, excitedly introducing her to the people she hasn’t met yet—Tzuyu, Chaeyoung and Dahyun. Jeongyeon and Sana quietly enter, greet the host of the party and head to the couch so that they can pick out the Netflix movie to watch later. Jeongyeon wants to watch a Studio Ghibli film. Sana wants _The Notebook_. The two of them settle the dispute with rock-paper-scissors, which Sana loses immediately.

“Wow,” Sana notes, looking around the vast apartment, “Mina is loaded.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.” Jeongyeon flips through the Netflix choices, frowning. “I’m not surprised. She _looks_ rich too.” 

“Looking at all the space they have somehow makes me want to pee.” Sana sighs and fidgets. “Where do you think the bathroom is?” 

“First door on your left down the hall,” Jeongyeon tells her. 

Sana stands up and follows her best friend’s instructions. Down the hall, she spots an extravagant bathroom with several beauty products lined up on the mirror. It’s only after she’s finished using the stall and checked her reflection in the mirror that she stops to question how Jeongyeon knew where the bathroom was located. 

*

Just as Momo said before, it’s not really a party. Just a small gathering for their group of friends to mingle in one space and get to know one another. Jeongyeon and Sana are seated together at one end of the couch, Nayeon and Momo are cuddling in their chair while Dahyun and Chaeyoung are on the floor with their faces propped up by their hands, their gazes locked on the screen. Meanwhile, Tzuyu is in the kitchen, helping Mina prepare the food because according to Nayeon, “ _you should help her out, Chewey! Get to know each other more!”_

Twenty minutes into the movie Jeongyeon picks for them, the girls hear the collective sound of a door opening and closing. 

Sana turns to look over her shoulder, not realizing that Jeongyeon has done the same thing. 

It’s Jihyo, holding a few grocery bags in her arms and wearing a happy smile on her face. When she spots Sana, her smile widens and her eyes twinkle. Before, Sana would’ve felt a warm flutter in her stomach but now, all she feels is a dizzying relief wash over her entire being. They’ll be fine. It’s Jihyo, after all.

“Glad you guys could make it,” Jihyo tells them after the usual murmurs of greetings by the rest of the girls, “I’ll be in the kitchen, helping Minari.” 

“ _Or_ ,” Nayeon calls out, snuggled up next to Momo, “you could just leave her with Tzuyu. I think they’re _bonding_.” 

Jihyo scoffs and mumbles, “What is up with you matching everybody up, unnie.” She disappears into the kitchen, where she meets up with Mina and Tzuyu.

Jeongyeon nudges Sana suddenly. “You okay there?” she asks. 

“Yeah.” Sana nods, turning her attention back to the TV. “I’m okay.”

For some reason, Jeongyeon continues to stare. “Is it weird?” she asks again, voice so quiet that only Sana can hear, “Seeing her again?” 

“I’ve seen her before.”

“But not as close as this.”

Sana sighs and finds herself looking over at Dahyun. She thinks about their conversation earlier: _things don’t work out, no matter how much you want it to_. “Maybe it is a _little_ weird,” she admits, “but I’m glad that she seems okay.” 

Jeongyeon is quiet, fingers drumming against her knee. “Yeah,” she finally agrees, glancing away, “I think she is.” There’s another moment of silence. “How would you react if Jihyo, you know, ever started dating someone else? Someone not you?”

Sana hasn’t thought of it but once Jeongyeon opens up the topic, she already has an answer on the tip of her tongue. “I wouldn’t mind,” she says, “It’s already over between us.” 

Jeongyeon looks at her then, eyebrows raised. “Really?” she asks, “That’s it?”

“That’s it.” Sana hums. “We weren’t even together that long, anyway.” 

“But she was your first.” 

( _No_ , _she wasn’t_.)

“She was.” Sana sighs again, eyes flickering over to where Dahyun sat. Yes. Jihyo was her first _real_ girlfriend but she is far from her first love. That title has and always will belong to none other than Kim Dahyun. “But it’s over now,” she finishes off quietly. 

*

The party or get-together ends a few hours later. It is an afternoon well spent. After finishing off the movie, they ate around the dining table and talked about their lives. Mina and Tzuyu seem to get along well—two soft-spoken individuals who share pictures of their dogs with one another and already seem comfortable in each other’s presence. On the other hand, Nayeon and Jihyo bond over their respective majors, since they’re both studying different types of engineering. Chaeyoung shows Momo some of her drawings and Dahyun gets the courage to sit next to Jeongyeon on the couch and talk to her about movies. 

Sana, on the other hand, finds herself sitting next to Chaeyoung and Momo, listening to their conversation. She had come from Mina and Tzuyu’s small group but moved once she got bored of them talking about pets. Nayeon and Jihyo’s conversation is something she doesn’t want to insert herself in. And she doesn't think she can handle Dahyun's heart eyes as she listens to Jeong talk about learning to be a teacher. So she settles with Momo and Chaeyoung. 

“You’re really good at drawing,” Momo points out, admiring Chaeyoung’s work, “Is that why you took up the Arts?” 

“Yeah,” Chaeyoung chirps, “I was thinking about French literature but then Dahyun convinced me to pursue my talent.” 

“You and Dahyun are really close, huh?”

Chaeyoung nods, sparing a glance at Sana. “Yeah,” she answers, “Just like Jeongyeon-unnie and Sana-unnie. Dahyun is my best friend.” 

Momo purses her lips. “So, she told you to pursue the arts instead?” 

“Yeah. It was weird too. One day, we both agreed that we were gonna take up liberal arts, something between the lines of language and literature and then the next day, she was telling me that she was going to get a Music degree.” Chaeyoung leans back on the ground, pouting adorably. “When I asked her why she changed her mind, she told me that somebody had talked to her about it.” 

Sana doesn’t say anything and ignores how her heart rate has picked up speed. 

*

(Sana is so wrapped up in her thoughts of Dahyun she doesn’t see Jeongyeon and Jihyo looking at one another.) 

*

“I’m going to tell her tonight,” Dahyun tells Sana after their classes have ended. The two of them are back at the bakery and the younger girl is now sipping on her hot chocolate drink. Sana can tell this is serious business. Dahyun only drinks hot choco when she needs to clear her head. She’s done it a number of times before, usually before a big paper presentation or an important exam. 

Sana hums and plays around with her sweet pancakes. “Tonight,” she repeats. The word feels heavy on her tongue. “Is your confession piece finished?”

“It’s been finished for a while,” Dahyun mumbles, “I’ve just been putting it off.” 

“What’s pushing you to confess tonight?” 

“I don’t know, really,” Dahyun answers, looking up and meeting Sana’s curious gaze, “I just… I want her to know. I don’t think I should be wasting time. Like… I’m sure things aren’t going to like change between us. I know she won’t look at me the same way but at least she’ll know, right?” 

Sana cracks a grin. The more she spends time with Dahyun, the more she wants for her to be happy. Even if it’s at the expense of her own. “Of course,” she says, “People may argue that ignorance is bliss but in knowing something, you’ll have the chance to move on.” 

Dahyun’s eyes fill with tears and she hastily wipes them away with a forced laugh. “Yeah,” she mutters, “You’re right.” She mixes her cup of choco with the spoon, looking deep in thought now. “Can I play it to you later?” she asks after a moment.

Sana doesn’t miss a beat. “Yeah, I’d love to listen to it.” 

*

Dahyun leads her to a room in the Music Building, where a single piano stands in the middle of the vast, empty space. It’s majestic, far more beautiful than the piano Dahyun had been playing back in her church. Sana looks around, knowing that the younger girl has spent hours and hours perfecting her piece just for Yoo Jeongyeon. She knows Dahyun’s thoughts have bounced back and forth against the walls, trying to piece together music that would explain her feelings far better than words ever will. 

The thought hurts. To Sana, it feels as if there’s a hole in her chest that’s gotten gradually larger the more she’s gotten to know Dahyun. Now, she feels the pain of heartbreak in her bones so much she wonders how Dahyun can’t sense it. She might not have put her heart on her sleeve, especially when it comes to the object of her affections, but she feels as if Dahyun has stolen it a long time ago and is now squeezing the life out of it in her hands. She wonders how Dahyun can’t see it, especially when her pain is so etched deeply on her skin. 

“I’ll, uhm,” Dahyun begins, looking up nervously, “I’ll start playing.”

Sana nods and leans against the piano, watching the younger girl crack her knuckles and gently lay her fingers on the black and white keys. There’s a moment of silence. Dahyun closes her eyes, eyebrows furrowing slightly in the middle with her mouth set in a straight line. 

Then she starts to play. 

*

[[LISTEN](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MD3vOL_IR4)]

*

(Sana is transported back in time, remembering the exact moment she fell in love with Kim Dahyun.) 

*

Kim Dahyun plays like there isn’t an audience in the room, as if nothing else matters except for the piano keys under her fingers and the music stuck in her head. It’s so _intimate_ —watching her like this. Being gifted with the opportunity to see her up close. Listening to the notes she intends for Yoo Jeongyeon to hear. Dahyun has her eyes shut and her hands move fluidly and smoothly, like they’ve done this a thousand times before, which is clear that they have. 

The piece is beautiful—sad and mellow but gentle and comforting at the same time. The kind you’d listen to while you’re inside your house, huddled under loads of blankets and hearing the downpour of the rain outside. Sana listens attentively, knowing that with each piano key that Dahyun presses is a tiny confession in the form of music. She can almost hear Dahyun’s voice in between the notes: _I love you, Yoo Jeongyeon. I always have and I always will_. 

(Sana tries to pretend it doesn’t break her heart.) 

As the music reaches its end, she remembers _everything_ that she feels for Dahyun. 

_My angel_ , she thinks to herself, recalling her third face, _you’ve always been mine_.

She remembers being struck with awe at the sight of Dahyun playing in the church with the sunlight pouring in from the window and wearing the same expression she has on her face now. She remembers the longing and aching and wanting, especially when Dahyun was _so_ close—only a few feet away in the hallways of their school, only in the room next to Jeongyeon’s in the Yoo residence, only seated in front of Sana every time they had dinner. She remembers how hard she fell when she found out Dahyun loved Jeongyeon instead of her, remembers how it felt like all the air had been punched out of her lungs, remembers the struggle of picking up the pieces, only to fall back in love all over again. 

Loving Kim Dahyun is something she’s been doing in silence. 

For one selfish second, she wants to stop doing it. 

The music ends and then Sana hears Dahyun’s voice like it’s coming from the far-end of a tunnel. “Sana-unnie, are you crying?” 

Sana shakes her head, willing the tears to evaporate. “I’m not,” she promises, even though she _lies,_ and it _hurts_ her to lie. She tilts her head up to the ceiling, blinking rapidly, before she looks back at Dahyun, who is staring at her in worry.

“What do you think?” the younger girl asks haltingly, “Is it… good?” 

“It’s perfect,” Sana whispers and she _means_ it, “Jeongyeon will love it.” 

*

Afterwards, Sana turns away, like a dog licking her wounds, and tries her very best not to fall apart.

*

(She fails.)

*

Later that night, it’s hard to focus on her readings knowing that somewhere in the Music Building, Dahyun is leading Jeongyeon to the piano, where she will confess to a love that’s been quietly burning all these years. It’s hard to think of anything else, especially when Sana’s been helping the girl she’s been in love with all this time in confessing to her best friend. Now, she sits in silence, hunched over her study table, and realizes that she hasn’t thought far ahead to what will happen _after_.

There’s a possibility that Jeongyeon will return Dahyun’s feelings.

There’s a possibility that Jeongyeon will want to try with Dahyun.

There’s a possibility that Jeongyeon will inevitably crush Sana’s heart all over again, the same way Dahyun did.

Sana looks back down at her notes and isn’t surprised to see her tears staining the paper. 

*

Sana texts Dahyun at three in the morning, while Momo is fast asleep: _how did it go_? 

There is no response. 

*

When she wakes up the next day, expecting to see a reply from Dahyun, her stomach plummets at the sight of Jeongyeon’s name on the screen instead: _dahyun told me something last night. Can we talk bout it over lunch? i’ll treat u : > _It was sent an hour ago. Jeongyeon must’ve woken up around that time. She checks the rest of her messages but apparently, Dahyun never replied.

Sana can feel her heart racing. Even in text, Jeongyeon sounds _nonchalant_. She wonders what happened last night—did Dahyun chicken out? How did Jeongyeon react? Were there tears? What did Dahyun say exactly? Did Jeongyeon love the confession piece just as much as Sana did? All these questions start piling up in her head. As she hastily gets ready for lunch, she knows that she’ll have all of them answered the second she sees her best friend again. 

An hour and a half later, Sana spots Jeongyeon sitting at their usual spot at their favorite restaurant. Her best friend has already ordered for them and is now chatting with somebody on the phone. When she sees Sana, she’s quick to drop the call and wave her over. “Hey,” she greets brightly, “Glad you could make it. I feel like we haven’t seen each other, you know? Just the two of us.”

Sana resists the urge to demand answers about Dahyun and plops down on the seat opposite Jeongyeon. “Yeah,” she says, sharing in Jeong’s happy grin, “Guess we’ve been pretty busy.”

“Yeah.” Jeongyeon looks remorseful. “I’m sorry about that.” 

“It’s fine. I’ve been busy too.”

“Still.” Jeongyeon looks frustrated. “You’re my best friend, though. I should always make time for you.” 

Sana feels a stab of guilt in the pit of her stomach. She’s been so caught up in Dahyun’s feelings for Jeongyeon she hasn’t stopped to think about how Jeongyeon must feel, not seeing her all the time. The two of them, just like Dahyun and Chaeyoung, are two peas in a pod. It gets lonely in the pod without your best friend. 

“I’m sorry,” Sana goes on to say, reaching out and squeezing Jeongyeon’s hand, “I’ll make time for you too.”

“Good because I missed you, dumbass.” 

Sana cheekily sticks out her tongue at Jeongyeon and winks. “Missed you too, BFF.” 

Before she can direct the conversation back to Dahyun, the waiter arrives with their order. Once Jeongyeon sees food in front of her, she won’t be able to think about anything else. Sana sighs and forces herself to be patient. Jeongyeon will remember why she asked her here in the first place. 

Lunch is relatively peaceful. The two of them enjoy their food and each other’s presence. Jeongyeon is in the middle of shoving chopsticks full of japchae when Sana feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. She fishes it out, balancing a bowl of miso soup in one hand, and feels her heart drop to the pit of her stomach when she reads Dahyun’s name and the message that accompanies it: _she said no._

“Who’s that?” Jeongyeon asks, wiping some sauce off her chin. 

Sana looks up and meets her best friend’s gaze. She doesn’t know what to feel but she can feel it nonetheless—her own heart shattering inside her chest as a response to Dahyun’s words. Before she can respond, Dahyun sends another text: _she told me she was seeing somebody else_. 

(In the back of her mind, Sana hears Jeongyeon’s words from before: _You’d tell me if you were seeing someone, right? Because I would, you know. I tell you everything. Scout's honor._ It leaves a bitter taste in the back of her throat.)

“That was Dahyun,” Sana whispers, putting her things down and straightening her back, “She confessed to you last night.”

Jeongyeon perks up. “Oh, you knew about that?” she asks. Again, she sounds so _nonchalant_ , as if she hasn’t just broken Dahyun’s heart. It makes something inside Sana coil tightly, like a phantom hand has reached out and messed up her insides. “I was going to tell you about it after we ate,” Jeongyeon adds, “She actually played me a song. It was nice.”

 _She spent months working on that song_ , Sana thinks bitterly, _and all you can say about it is that it’s_ nice _?_

“You rejected her, didn’t you?” 

Sensing trouble, Jeongyeon’s eyebrows furrow. “Yeah,” she answers, “She’s like a little sister to me.” 

“Is that what you told her?”

“Of course.” Jeongyeon puts down her chopsticks and leans forward. “She’s always been like a little sister. I’m not going to tell her that I’m in love with her or anything like that. That would be lying.”

Sana’s throat closes in. She can’t understand why the words _sting_ so much. A part of her is heartbroken at Dahyun’s misfortune but a larger part—the stupid, irrational, hung-up-on-Kim-Dahyun-part—is _angry_. How dare Jeongyeon? How dare she reject somebody as beautiful and wonderful as Kim Dahyun? How dare she listen to Dahyun’s heart bared open in a song and then reject her afterwards? For the first time since she’s stumbled across Dahyun’s voicemail, Sana feels the extent of her jealousy at full force. She’d been so trying to push her feelings aside she hadn’t realized just how badly the thought of Dahyun falling for Jeongyeon hurt her so much.

And Jeongyeon—her best friend who _knows_ and _understands_ her inside-out—has now hurt Dahyun. 

Kim Dahyun is an angel. 

(You just don’t break an angel’s hearts.)

Having lost her appetite, Sana finds glares spitefully at the food in front of her table. It feels _wrong_ —sitting here, trying to pretend like she isn’t upset, like she isn’t angry that Jeongyeon broke Dahyun’s heart, like she doesn’t feel Dahyun’s pain as clearly and wholly, as if it is her own. She thinks back to the younger girl’s words in the voicemail, words that Jeongyeon was meant to hear: _I know that I want you but I also know that you_ — _you_ — _you probably don’t want me back._

Who wouldn’t want Kim Dahyun?

(Sana can’t fathom the question—she’s wanted Dahyun ever since she was a kid. It’s like being asked why the sky is blue or why the earth is round. They just _are_.) 

“You knew about Dahyun’s feelings for me?” Jeongyeon suddenly asks, cutting through Sana’s concentration. She doesn’t seem angry, just confused. “Why didn’t you tell me? I thought we tell each other everything.” 

Once again, Sana is reminded of the text Dahyun just sent: _she told me she was seeing somebody else_. 

“I guess the two of us just didn’t get the memo,” Sana spits. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I didn’t tell you that Dahyun had feelings for you because it wasn't my secret to tell,” Sana goes on to say, crossing her arms in defiance as Jeongyeon’s face continues to crumble in confusion, “but I can’t say the same for you.”

“Sana…” 

“She told me you were seeing someone.”

At these words, Jeongyeon stills. Her eyes flicker around the restaurant nervously, as if looking for an escape route. Sana clenches her hands into fists and tries to steady her harsh breathing. Jeongyeon and her rarely fight. It’s just not in their personalities. While the two of them might have different likes and dislikes, they’ve never clashed. 

Until now.

“I was going to tell you,” Jeongyeon murmurs, now completely disregarding the food on the table, “I promise. It’s just—I don’t know—I was _scared_. This relationship is really important to me.” 

“But not as important as the promise you made years ago.” Sana pays attention to details, which means she remembers important ones. It’s always been useful in exams and tests. Now it’s useful in pushing Jeongyeon to crack under the pressure. “You said you’d tell me if you were seeing someone. You made me promise to do the same. Some scout’s honor you have.” 

However, Sana can’t help but feel guilty. She wouldn’t have minded if Jeongyeon kept her relationship a secret because Sana has been doing the same thing with Dahyun. But now she’s angry, even though she knows the anger is misplaced. She’s upset that Jeongyeon broke Dahyun’s heart. She’s upset that Dahyun doesn’t love her back. 

She’s not upset that Jeongyeon didn’t tell her of a secret relationship. 

But for now, it’s the only thing she has over Jeong’s head. 

Jeongyeon looks distraught, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. “Sana-yah,” she starts to say, “Please, it’s not like that. Of course I wanted to tell you.” 

“But you didn’t.”

“Just—” Her best friend lets out a frustrated sigh. “It’s not as easy as you’d expect, okay?”

“Sure, it is. All you have to do is walk up to me and say, _hey I’m in a loving, committed relationship with someone and I think that you, as my designated best friend for life, should be the first to know about it_ —”

“It’s Jihyo.”

At first, Sana doesn’t understand what Jihyo has to do with any of this. She tilts her head to the side, staring at her best friend in confusion. Then it clicks. _Oh_. 

Jeongyeon and Jihyo are dating. 

Her best friend is seeing her ex-girlfriend. 

“Jihyo…” Sana swallows the lump in her throat and has to make sure she isn't hearing things. “Like, Park Jihyo? Jihyo, my ex?”

Ashamed, Jeongyeon looks away. 

Now that she thinks about it, it makes sense. All separate events and hints that have been staring at Sana straight to her face are now coming together to form a coherent conclusion—that one time Jeongyeon hid her phone from her, their cancelled lunch dates, her questions about Sana’s reaction if Jihyo ever dated again, how Jeong knew where the bathroom at Mina and Jihyo’s apartment was. Because she’d been there before. 

“How long?” Sana asks, voice devoid of emotion. Another bombshell has been dropped on her. She doesn’t know how to react. “How long have you been dating?”

Jeongyeon sighs. “A few months now.” 

Sana’s heart constricts. “You didn’t tell me.”

“I didn’t want you to hate me.” Jeongyeon’s eyes, when they rise up to meet Sana’s, are shining with unshed tears. “Your approval matters the most to me. You know that, right? I was… waiting for the right time.” 

And just like that—Sana’s anger fizzles out. 

“There’s this Japanese saying,” she says, reaching across the table and laying a hand on Jeongyeon’s, “ _Anzuru yori umu ga yasashii._ It roughly translates to _giving birth to a baby is easier than worrying about it_.” 

Jeongyeon’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Are you telling me that you’re pregnant?”

“No, you dumbass.” Sana cracks a smile. “It means that you didn’t have anything to worry about. You’re my best friend. I could never hate you.” 

With these words, Jeongyeon visibly relaxes, the tension leaving her shoulders quickly. She turns her palm up so that their hands are better intertwined. While Jeongyeon has always been very vocal about how much Sana means to her, the simple gesture of squeezing her hand also lets Sana know how dearly Jeongyeon holds their friendship to the highest regard. 

It reminds Sana that she feels the same way. 

(It also reminds her that she too hasn't been truthful.) 

"Jeongyeon," she begins, letting out a shaky breath, "I'm in love with Dahyun." 

(Sana reveals her third face.)

Her best friend's eyes widen in surprise. "Oh," she says, looking very confused as the information sinks in, "Wait. Hang on." 

"You've told me everything about you," Sana whispers, tightening her grip on Jeong's hand, "All your secrets. It's time I did the same thing."

And so, she does. She tells Jeongyeon about the day she met Dahyun, how it was love at first sight, how her heart leapt at the sight of her every single time. She tells Jeongyeon about wanting nothing more than to know Dahyun but stopped by the thought that she was trespassing a territory that was never hers to begin with. She tells Jeongyeon about Dahyun’s voicemail, about her confession, about the song she composed just for Jeongyeon. Everything that Sana has kept to herself, everything that only her third face knows, everything that she’s been afraid to let out in the open—she tells all of these to Jeongyeon.

By the end of her monologue, she realizes the hand in Jeongyeon’s has turned clammy. 

It’s quiet for a few minutes.

The first question that pops out of her best friend’s mouth is, “Why didn’t you tell me?” She sounds understandably hurt but she doesn’t let go of Sana’s hand, which is a good sign, “You’ve kept this to yourself for _nine_ years, Sana-yah.” 

Sana hangs her head, unable to look at Jeongyeon in the eye. “Because in my head,” she murmurs, “Dahyun was _my_ angel. I didn’t want to share her with anybody else.” 

“I wish you had told me,” Jeongyeon murmurs, sighing, “I would’ve helped you, you know.” 

“I know.” Sana steels her jaw. “But there’s nothing you could’ve done. She’s loved you for as long as I’ve loved her. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway.” 

To her surprise, Jeongyeon lets out a low chuckle. “God, this is a mess,” she states, “So you’re telling me that you love Dahyun and Dahyun loves me and I love Jihyo who used to love you? Thank God Chaeyoung isn’t in this mess otherwise I’d get a massive headache.”

Sana laughs as well. She doesn’t know what to say except, “Love is complicated and messy, I guess.” 

“It is,” Jeongyeon agrees. Then, she gives Sana a meaningful look. “You should tell her, you know.” 

_Of course_ Jeongyeon would say that. Yoo Jeongyeon is the type of person who will always be honest with you, who will always deal with the consequences of the truth, who won’t be able to live with herself if she doesn’t tell the people she loves how she feels. Despite her feelings for Sana fading, she still told her about their existence years later. And even though she was afraid of losing her best friend, she still told Sana about her relationship with Jihyo, even if it wasn’t the right time and place for her to do so yet.

“I can’t,” Sana responds to Jeongyeon’s words with conviction, “I’m just going to get hurt if I tell her that I love her.” 

“Then get hurt,” Jeongyeon says seriously, “It’s not love if you don’t get hurt by it.” 

There is some truth to those words, but Sana doesn’t want to acknowledge them. “She’s hurting,” she whispers, eyes fixed on the surface of the table, “She loved you, Jeongyeon. That doesn’t just go away in a snap. And even if it did, it’s not a guarantee that she’ll return my feelings.” 

Jeongyeon sighs and lets go of her hand. “I think people forget the purpose of telling someone your feelings,” she says knowingly, eyes searching Sana’s, “It’s not always about wanting them to love you back. Sometimes, it's just about letting them know.” 

And with those words, Sana is enlightened. 

*

“So that’s why you were so pissed earlier,” Jeongyeon grumbles, scoffing, “You weren’t mad that I was dating someone, you were mad that I rejected Dahyun.”

“Screw yourself, Yoo.”

“You wish, Minatozaki.”

A beat passes. 

“Are you happy?” Sana asks her best friend, “With Jihyo?” 

When Jeongyeon smiles, affection drips from her next sentence. “Yes,” she answers, “I am.” 

Sana returns the smile. “Then that’s all that matters.”

*

(It doesn’t matter who loves who first. 

What matters is who does something about it.)

*

Later that afternoon, after much debate, Sana texts Dahyun again: _hey i’m sorry that i didnt get back to u earlier. are u ok? do u want to talk about it_? 

It stays on ‘Delivered’ for a few minutes. Sana knows because her eyes haven't left the screen. Then, it changes to ‘Read’ and the three dots appear on screen, appearing and disappearing with several seconds in between. Dahyun types for a very long time before the bubble vanishes altogether. 

Ten minutes after sending the first text, Sana cautiously sends another: _Dahyun_? 

_i'm ok unnie_ , is the younger girl's quick reply, _i just need some time. thank u so much for ur help btw. i really appreciate it :)))_

Sana grips her phone tight and nibbles on her lip. _you dont have to pretend with me_ , she types slowly and carefully. Half a second later, she presses send. 

_im not_ , Dahyun tells her. 

Sana sighs. _dahyun…_ she types back. 

_its like what u said, unnie,_ Dahyun says in her next message, _sometimes things just dont work out the way you want it to._

*

A few days later, Dahyun still hasn't reached out to Sana. Of course, the most plausible thing to do next is to hunt down the younger girl until they talk about their feelings, whether they like it or not. Straight after her classes are finished, she heads over to Chaeyoung and Dahyun's dorm, knocks rapidly on the door and waits for it to swing open. 

To her dismay, Chaeyoung is the one standing on the other side. 

"Sana-unnie," Chaeyoung says, looking pleasantly surprised, "To what do I owe this pleasure?" 

Sana looks into the room, trying to see if Dahyun is hiding inside. Chaeyoung sees what she's doing and opens the door wider. "If you're looking for Dubu," the shorter girl says blandly, "she isn't here." 

Sana lets out a frustrated exhale. "Do you know where she is?" she asks. 

"Beats me. Dahyun goes off the grid sometimes, especially when she's thinking things through." 

The knowing tone in Chaeng's voice tips Sana off. "Thinking things through?" she repeats in confusion. 

"Yeah, that's what happens when you get rejected by your best friend's older sister," Chaeyoung says, looking very calm, "She came home crying that night. It wasn't hard to get the truth out of her. Of course, I wanted to confront Jeong but she begged me not to.” 

Sana’s heart breaks at the mere thought of Dahyun crumbling in front of Chaeyoung, the one person she hadn’t told about her feelings for Jeongyeon because she was afraid of what she might think. 

“Do you have any idea where she might be?” she questions, “She can’t be alone in this.” 

“Trust me when I tell you this, unnie,” Chaeyoung says, leaning on the door, “but sometimes, people just _want_ to be alone. There’s nothing we can do about that.” 

Sana is starting to get annoyed now, especially when Chaeyoung is starting to sound like her older sister. “You’re her best friend,” she spits, turning to look at the shorter girl with fire in her voice, “Why aren’t you worried about this? Why are you just—just— _letting_ her wallow in her misery and heartbreak?” 

“She asked me to let her be.”

“You should know better than that.”

“I’ve known Dahyun since we were _kids_ , unnie,” Chaeyoung says, her tone getting hard, “I know her better than myself. She needed to be left alone. Don’t worry about it. She’ll turn up sooner or later.” 

“But—” Sana runs her fingers through her hair, gripping the roots tight, “—I don’t want—I _can’t_ stand by and just _wait_.” 

“Then don’t.” With those words, Chaeyoung grabs a jacket from the back of the door and steps out. “Come with me. I wanna change my hair color today.”

Sana stares at her, at a loss for words. 

“Do you have anything better to do than wallow in _your_ misery and heartbreak?” Chaeyoung asks, quirking an eyebrow and cracking a grin at Sana’s realization that she _knows_ , “Yeah. Thought so. Come on.”

*

It takes roughly four hours for Chaeyoung’s hair to go from pink to platinum silver. Sana goes because she doesn’t have anything planned for today other than talking to Dahyun. Unfortunately, because the other girl refuses to let herself be found and her best friend is making it harder than expected, Sana plops down on the couch right next to Chaeyoung’s seat and watches the process. 

“Have you ever thought of changing your own color, unnie?” Chaeyoung asks halfway through the process, facing the mirror as the hairdresser works on her roots. 

Sana hums to herself. “Not really,” she answers, “I’ve never tried anything that bold before.”

“Try it,” Chaeyoung says, glancing at her from the corner of her eye, which prompts the hairdresser to move her back into position, “I think you’d look amazing with orange hair.”

“Really?” Sana wrinkles her nose. “I doubt it.” 

“In fact, I think you’d look great with _any_ hair color.” 

“Thanks,” Sana replies cheekily before she finds herself troubled by what Chaeyoung had said earlier before they left for the salon. She decides to rip the band-aid off and be straightforward; “Since when have you known?” 

“About Dahyun?” Chaeyoung shrugs, which makes the hairdresser tut in annoyance. “I think it’s easy to see things when you aren’t clouded by your own feelings.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Chaeyoung pouts slightly. “Think about it,” she says, “All three of you were so wrapped up about your feelings for each other that you didn't stop to think about who the other person loved. Like Jeongyeon-unnie, for example. She liked you before, but you didn’t notice because you liked Dahyun. And because Dahyun couldn’t stop pining after my sister, she never looked your way.”

Sana furrows her eyebrows, hearing the truth in those words. “So, you’ve known since we were kids?” 

“I’m highly perceptive when I need to be.” Chaeyoung cracks a grin which dims slightly once she catches sight of the crestfallen look on Sana’s face. “Hey, don’t worry about it. I never told anybody. It was none of my business. I didn’t even tell Dahyun that I knew she liked my sister. I just wanted her to tell me in her own time.” 

Sana wonders if she made the right choice in keeping her feelings a secret. Perhaps they wouldn’t have wasted all these years loving in silence. Maybe if Sana had rejected Jeongyeon when they were kids, Dahyun would’ve had a chance back then. Or if Sana had just confessed _first_ , then it wouldn’t hurt so bad now. Maybe, once Dahyun entertained the possibility of them, they might’ve had a chance. All these questions she wishes she knew the answers to keep piling up in her head until there’s nothing left but a jumbled mess of her, Jeongyeon and Dahyun. 

_You should tell her_ , Jeongyeon said. 

Sana thinks that it’s easier said than done. 

“Do you remember that one time Jeongyeon and I were on a video call and you walked into the room?” Chaeyoung suddenly begins, eyes fixed on the mirror in front of her. 

Sana tries to rack her mind for the memory. “Is it… I think it was when you were talking about Dahyun, right?”

“Yeah, I told Jeongyeon that I thought Dahyun was keeping something from me,” Chaeyoung mumbles, “and that I felt bad because I was her best friend and she wasn’t telling me anything.” 

Sana vaguely remembers hearing Chaeyoung say those words. “You said that it might be because she was seeing someone, right?” she asks. 

“Yeah.” Chaeyoung clears her throat. “She later told me what it was about. Well, sort of. She said that she was talking to another friend of hers. Gahyeon, I think. They weren’t dating but Gahyeon was helping her deal with some feelings. Dahyun told me that those feelings were for Jeongyeon. So basically, she reached out to somebody else who wasn’t me, because she felt as if she couldn’t tell me about what she felt for my sister.” 

Chaeyoung can’t turn her head to look at Sana but for some reason, the older girl can still feel the weight of it. 

“You asked me why I’m just letting her be, right?” 

“Yeah,” Sana agrees, the word stuck in her throat. 

“Because I want Dahyun to be brave,” Chaeyoung answers, tilting her chin up, “Not in the literal sense like jumping off cliffs or climbing mountains. God, she would _cry_ every time I begged to ride the rollercoaster. But brave when it comes to her feelings. I want her to never regret speaking her mind or telling people how she feels. And she can’t be brave if she’s not the one taking the first step.” 

Those words take their time sinking in Sana’s mind. It’s similar to the lesson Jeongyeon imparted her with a few days ago. _Sometimes, it’s just about letting them know_. 

Sana smiles to herself. 

_Be brave_. 

“Excuse me,” Sana says to the older woman tending to Chaeyoung’s hair, “How much does it cost and how long will it take for me to have orange hair?” 

*

A week later, Sana _finally_ comes across Dahyun.

Sana, having just finished with a surprise pop-quiz from one of her majors, leaves the classroom while rubbing the bridge of her nose and letting out a frustrated sigh. She’s trying to remember if she got all the answers right when she hears a surprised squeak from behind her. When she looks over her shoulder, her heart skips a beat at the sight of Dahyun standing a few feet away, as if she was waiting for her.

“Hi,” Sana breathes out, focusing all her attention on Dahyun’s hair, which she has changed to a dark blue color, “Long time no see.” 

Dahyun’s gaze shifts up and down. “You changed your hair,” she says, stepping closer to where Sana stood next to the wall, “It looks good on you.” 

“Thanks.” Sana can feel her cheeks warming. “Chaeng asked me to join her at the hair salon so I did. She might’ve convinced me along the way to try something new and… be brave.” 

Dahyun doesn’t look surprised. “Yeah, she told me,” she says, cracking a small smile, “You were looking for me, right?” 

“Yes.” Sana finds herself relaxing at the familiar scent of Dahyun’s baby powder perfume wafting through the air. “I wanted to see if you were okay.” 

“I am.” This time, Dahyun’s smile widens. “I just… I needed some time to think.” 

“I know.” 

The moment feels fragile, which is why Sana clings to the familiarity of their routine. “Do you want to grab breakfast at the bakery?” she asks, “You just had your classes, right?” 

“Actually.” Dahyun bites her lower lip. “I wanted to take you somewhere. Are you busy this morning?”

“You know I don’t have a class, Dahyun-ah.”

“Right.” Dahyun stretches out her hand, which is a first for them. Despite being friends for several months now, the younger girl hasn’t been forward with skinship. Sana, who is very familiar with it, has always held herself back, in fear that Dahyun will see her feelings more clearly. “Will you come with me?” 

Sana, after a moment’s hesitation, takes Dahyun’s hand. 

Dahyun’s hand is soft and warm. Sana’s heart starts racing as the younger girl leads her out of the building and outside. Instead of leading the way, Dahyun makes sure to match Sana’s pace. The two of them don’t say anything. It’s as if they both know it’s not yet the time to hear each other out. 

Having their hands interlocked, however, is a comforting gesture. 

Soon, Sana realizes where Dahyun is taking her. The Music building. They dodge a few students milling about and slip into the room where Dahyun played her confession piece. The lights are turned off but after the younger girl flips the switch on, Sana’s eyes have to adjust to the sudden brightness in the room. Just like before, a single piano stands in the middle. Being in this room once again is enough to make her feel unsettled. She has no idea what to expect but she surely doesn’t want her heart to break again, just like what happened before. 

“Are you going to play me something?” Sana asks jokingly. 

Dahyun clears her throat. “Yeah, actually,” she says, taking a seat and opening the cover of the piano, “You can sit next to me, if you want. I think we’ll be here a while.” 

Sana puts down her bag and sits down on the piano seat next to the girl she’s been in love with for the past nine years. The scent of baby powder strengthens. Up close, Sana can almost count the lashes on Dahyun’s eyes. 

“Why did you bring me here?” she asks, the enormity of the situation finally settling in, “You’re kind of making me nervous.” 

“I’ll explain in a minute,” Dahyun murmurs, letting out a deep breath, “I just… I need to tell you something and the best way I can do that is with this.” She lightly taps on the piano, looking up at Sana with something akin to fear in her eyes. It worsens the nerves in Sana’s stomach. 

“I don’t understand,” she mumbles. For the two weeks of not seeing Dahyun, she can’t help but be overly cautious of everything that’s happening around her. After all, Dahyun has just gotten her heart broken by Jeooengyeon this month.

“Just… _listen_.” 

Sana grows quiet, eyes fixed on Dahyun’s every move. It’s so silent the only sounds they can hear are their breathing. Then the younger girl raises her hands, places them on the piano keys and starts playing. 

*

(And just like that—Sana’s heart whispers a truth she’s known all along. 

_I love you, Kim Dahyun. I always have and I always will_.) 

*

[[LISTEN](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdGbm6oxASs)]

*

The music is different from the one Dahyun prepared for Jeongyeon before. While her confession piece had been sad and soft, this one seems… _hopeful._ Her fingers also move faster, keeping up with the beat of the notes. This time, as she’s playing, her eyes are closed but her mouth is curled into a small smile. 

Sana can’t look away. She’s trying to memorize everything that sits before her. Like a sculpture crafted by the great Michael Di Angelo and it’s seconds away from crumbling. She stares at Dahyun’s side profile—the lashes brushing against her cheeks, the faint blush of her skin and the curve of her smile. The more Sana stares, the more her heart continues to swell. It doesn’t beat any faster, like all the other times, but it beats _more_. Each time it does, it fills up the empty spaces inside Sana’s heart—ones that she never thought needed filling before, until this moment arrived. 

When the music finally comes to an end, it takes a few seconds for Dahyun to open her eyes. 

“I fell in love with Jeongyeon-unnie when I was six years old,” she begins, her voice soft, “Chaeng and I were playing on the street outside their house. I don’t remember much but I remember getting hurt. Maybe I tripped and fell on my knees. I remember seeing blood. It hurt so much. And because we were alone, Chaeng had to call Jeongyeon-unnie who carried me in her arms and led me back inside. While their mom was putting ointment on my wounds, Jeongyeon grabbed a pack of choco pie and offered one to me.” 

Sana doesn’t say anything, remembering Chaeyoung’s words from before: _I want her to never regret speaking her mind or telling people how she feels. And she can’t be brave if she’s not the one taking the first step._ This is Dahyun taking the first step.

“After that moment, I grew up looking at her like she was the coolest, nicest and greatest person to have ever walked on the planet and she _was_. Then I realized that she was never going to look at me that way because I was nothing more than Chaeyoung’s best friend. That’s why I didn’t tell her before.” 

Dahyun takes a deep breath, her eyes shining with unshed tears. Sana, seeing this, reaches out and grips her hand tight. The gesture seems to be the push Dahyun needed to continue.

“I realized a lot of things when I told Jeongyeon that I loved her and when she told me she didn’t feel the same way,” she goes on, voice shaking, “I realized that I should’ve tried harder to show that I wasn’t _just_ Chaeyoung’s best friend. I should’ve gotten to know her. I shouldn’t have put her on a pedestal. Because then, I would’ve realized that I didn’t really know her at all.” 

Dahyun looks up at Sana then, her eyes now red around the corners, and whispers, “Have you ever been in love with someone for so long that you’ve forgotten what it’s like to not be in love with them at all?” 

( _Yes_ , Sana wants to say.)

She keeps her silence instead.

“Jeongyeon is a part of me,” Dahyun says quietly, her free hand coming up and clutching her chest, “She’s held such a meaningful place in my life that when she told me she couldn’t love me back, it felt like something had been ripped away from me.”

Sana understands the pain all too well. She’s felt it so many times within this year, after getting to know Dahyun more. Just as she’s about to share her own words of comfort, the younger girl suddenly turns her hand up so that their fingers are intertwined. Sana’s heart skips a beat.

“But,” Dahyun says, her gaze meeting Sana’s, “in a way, it didn’t hurt as much as I expected it to.” 

Sana frowns. “What do you mean?” 

“The piece I just played,” Dahyun goes on, pointedly ignoring the question, “It’s for you.”

“I don’t understand.”

Dahyun nods understandingly, as if she just didn’t drop a bombshell into the room. “I think the reason why it didn’t hurt when Jeongyeon told me that she was seeing somebody else was because I was _also_ thinking of somebody else.” The hand in Sana’s starts to shake, the same way the beating organ in Sana’s chest does at the same time. “I was thinking about you, Sana-unnie.”

“Dahyun-ah—” Sana doesn’t know what to say. It feels as if her brain has malfunctioned. She can _hear_ what Dahyun is saying but for some godforsaken reason, she can’t understand it. Is this really happening? 

“I know!” Dahyun exclaims, hastily looking away when she sees the horrified expression on Sana’s face, “You might think that I’m using you as a rebound or something but it’s not like that, I swear. I think my feelings for you have always been there, especially when we started hanging out together. I got to know you in a way that I never did with Jeongyeon. You listen to me. You share stuff with me. You make me laugh. You make me happy.” Dahyun’s gaze rises to meet Sana’s head on and her cheeks start to deepen in color. “And I’m tired of not telling people how I feel and getting hurt later on. So, here I am, telling you that I have feelings for you. I have for a while now.”

(Sana remembers the feeling of soaring high up into the clouds and then crashing into the ground when she heard Dahyun’s voicemail months ago—the confession meant for Jeongyeon. Now this is the same feeling as before. The only difference is that Sana continues to soar. Nothing can bring her down.) 

_You should tell her, you know_ , Jeongyeon said. 

Sana has always been better in showing her feelings through actions. 

In one sweeping motion, she cups Dahyun’s face in both of her hands and kisses her. When their lips touch and the younger girl exhales a soft gasp into her mouth, it feels like her heart is seconds away from bursting out of her ribcage. After a few seconds of stilted silence, Dahyun leans forward and deepens the kiss. It’s enough to make Sana snap out of her reverie and kiss her back just as enthusiastically. The scent of baby powder strengthens, mingling with Sana’s own scent. It’s enough to make her dizzy. In a good way. In the best way possible.

When the kiss ends, Sana doesn’t move away nor does she let go of Dahyun’s cheeks. “The first time I saw you,” she whispers quietly, voice so low that only Dahyun can hear, “you were playing the piano back at your church. I was new in town. I followed the music and watched you play. You looked like an angel. And for the next nine years, you were always one to me.” 

(Just like what she did to Jeongyeon, Sana reveals her third face.)

(She wants to be brave too.)

“Nine years…?” Dahyun’s eyes fill with confusion. “Wait… are you saying that…” 

Sana nods, letting out a soft sigh. Their faces are so close that she can count the specks of hazel in Dahyun’s warm eyes. “Nine years, Dahyun,” she confesses, “I’ve loved you for so long.”

This time, the confusion disappears into understanding. “Why?” the younger girl asks, sounding distraught, “You should’ve told me before. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Sana shrugs, smiling bitterly. “For the same reason you never told Jeongyeon,” she answers. 

Dahyun leans back, eyebrows furrowing together. The reality of the situation dawns on her. “I sent you that voicemail by accident,” she mutters, almost like she’s talking to herself, “I made you listen to my confession piece. I didn’t stop talking about Jeongyeon for _months._ Sana, I _hurt_ you. So many times without realizing it.” She pulls away from Sana’s hold and brings her hands up to her face, shielding the horror in her expression. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry—if I had known, I wouldn’t—I wouldn’t have unknowingly played with you like that—”

“Dahyun,” Sana interrupts gently, scooting closer, “It’s okay. You didn’t know.” 

The younger girl looks up from her hands, eyes filled with regret. “I hurt you,” she whispers, “and you had to pretend that you weren’t.” 

“Somebody once told me,” Sana recalls softly, “that you can’t call it love if you don’t get hurt.” 

The silence deepens. Dahyun continues to stare, her gaze piercing. “You love me?” she whispers. 

Sana nods. “I do.”

This information seems to be too much for Dahyun whose face turns even redder as she hastily dodges Sana’s intense stare. She looks away, hand flying to her mouth as she struggles with this sudden turn of events. “I—” she starts to say, shyly glancing back at the older girl, “I can’t say the same thing because I’ve only just gotten to know you this year but I have _very_ strong feelings for you too, and if you want, we can get to know each other more and I can say it back—”

Sana giggles, sagging in relief as she leans her weight against Dahyun. She finds the younger girl’s hands once more and holds them within hers. “It’s okay,” she says, sighing in contentment, “You don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know. Like you said, I’m tired of not saying how I feel too.” 

Dahyun nods against her, finding comfort in their newfound skinship. They’re quiet for a few seconds. Sana’s mind has stopped thinking but her heart hasn’t stopped racing. Nine years of longing, of wanting, of aching. And here she is—sitting next to the girl of her dreams and holding her hand. It was a long wait but Sana knows she wouldn’t have it any other way. 

“Sana-unnie,” Dahyun whispers, “Can I ask you something?” 

“Yeah, of course.”

Dahyun fidgets, looking down at their clasped hands. “Can I kiss you?” she mumbles, cheeks visibly pink. 

Sana laughs, sitting up straight and nodding happily. Dahyun looks nervous for a few seconds before it fades away, replaced with a newfound determination. The tension in the air thickens. 

Sana closes her eyes, expecting a repeat of earlier, but instead, she feels Dahyun’s arms wrapping around her shoulders in a tight embrace and the softest press of lips against her cheek. Instead of a kiss, she gets a hug instead. She doesn’t have it in her to be upset, especially when she’s once again engulfed with the scent of baby powder. She raises her arms and returns the hug, burying her face against Dahyun’s neck and breathing her in.

“I’m sorry,” Dahyun mutters into her ear, “I’m sorry about Jeongyeon-unnie.” 

“Dahyun-ah,” Sana says affectionately, rubbing the younger girl’s back, “It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize.” 

“I just don’t want things to start off on the wrong foot for us...” 

“I know.” Sana hums. “Tell you what, let’s consider this a new start. You’re Kim Dahyun and I’m Minatozaki Sana. No labels. No messy history. No best friends as sisters. Just us. Okay?” 

Dahyun laughs at the suggestion but nonetheless agrees. “That can work.” 

“Good. Now as Minatozaki Sana, somebody who was _just_ promised a kiss, may I—”

The rest of her sentence dies in her throat once Dahyun pulls back from the embrace and shuts her up with a deep kiss, her lips tasting of the new beginning that Sana wanted them both to have. 

*

The first time Minatozaki Sana tells Kim Dahyun she loves her, she’s twenty-two years old. 

Nine years have passed.

It’s worth it.

*

 _fin_.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm open for commissions!!! :] 
> 
> If you want to support or contact me, check out these links!  
> Twitter: @meatzoonator (I've deactivated my main so you can reach me here)  
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